Nothing good ever comes from a document stamped with “Incident Report.” And when it’s bright yellow, it’s usually a bad sign. I found my four-year-old’s name listed alongside an account from her camp counselor about a child who matched her description (oh no) and had disregarded warnings about throwing rocks, resulting in a friend getting hit in the head during lunch.
On one hand, I felt a bit relieved that the other child was okay, and since I knew their parents, I could reach out to apologize. On the other hand, I had to contact them to say sorry for my child hitting theirs with a rock.
Most parents will find themselves on both sides of the playground drama—witnessing their child as either a victim or a perpetrator. Our instincts will flare up when we hear our child has faced something unpleasant, while societal standards often make us feel guilty when our child is the one causing trouble, even if we weren’t present.
Can we agree that such moments present an opportunity to practice the Golden Rule? We should strive to respond to others as we wish they would treat us if our child were the one at fault—remaining calm, keeping perspective, and showing empathy to the fellow parent who might be feeling uncomfortable.
In my experience, most parents I’ve encountered in these situations have been gracious and understanding, even if there was a hint of tension at first. I was particularly thankful for the kindness shown to me after the rock incident. Unfortunately, I’ve also witnessed the opposite.
Years ago, my then-six-year-old son and his friends were accused of being unkind to another boy at camp. Before the camp staff could investigate, the boy’s dad stormed in, demanding answers, and even withdrew his son after a heated outburst in front of a crowd of children. While I might have judged this man’s emotional reaction as a poor example for his child, my anxiety over my son’s involvement had me Googling the dad’s photo to avoid him at the grocery store.
After raising three kids and spending countless hours at playgrounds and playdates, I understand that even the most well-behaved children can sometimes misbehave. We’ll have days when we comfort our own kids and cringe when we realize our child caused someone else’s tears. The best days are those when we don’t find ourselves in either role.
Let’s remember the “do unto others” principle when we’re tempted to reprimand another parent for typical childhood behavior. My less than a decade of motherhood has taught me that karma is very real when it comes to parenting and how we relate to one another.
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Summary:
This piece reflects on the complexities of parenting, particularly when children exhibit both victim and perpetrator behavior in social situations. It emphasizes empathy and understanding among parents, advocating for a calm response to typical childhood disputes.
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Parenting, empathy, childhood behavior, parenting challenges, playground drama, parenting advice