Every moment with our four-year-old, Mia, feels like an uphill battle. Often, we joke that if she were our firstborn, she might have been our last. She is a spirited, inquisitive little girl with a charming smile and a strong will. While I adore her and she has certainly provided me with endless inspiration for my writing, let’s be honest—she can be quite the handful.
You might be wondering how a four-year-old could be described as a “handful.” Well, in Mia’s case, she takes the typical toddler antics to a whole new level. A few weeks back, she was sent to the principal’s office at preschool for outright refusing to participate in a class activity. When her teacher, Ms. Lee, asked her to focus, Mia called her and a few peers “losers.” This is preschool, after all! Although she’s the youngest of our three children, she is the first one to face office discipline. I’m baffled as to where she picked up that term since we don’t use it at home.
This incident was just one of many concerning reports we’ve received about Mia’s behavior in class. I still recall the evening I picked her up from school when she proudly exclaimed, “I was on one today!” Curious, I asked if that was a good thing, to which she nodded. However, the teaching assistant behind her discreetly shook her head, signaling otherwise.
When people meet Mia, they often use terms like “strong-willed” or “high-energy,” but the truth is, she pursues her own agenda regardless of any consequences we impose. We’ve tried various disciplinary strategies—timeouts, loss of privileges, and early bedtimes—but nothing seems to deter her.
One night, after I put her to bed early for ignoring her mother, she kept sneaking out. I ended up sitting outside her door, and when she requested another drink of water, I told her no. Mia shot back, “Well, I want water, and you’re not listening to me. That makes you a bad listener, and you need to go to bed.” I could picture her shaking her head, finger wagging, as she often does. It’s incredibly frustrating because, deep down, I want her to grow up to be strong and assertive—someone who can advocate for herself in life. Yet, here I am, trying to guide her without letting her become a “jerk.”
The weight of it all can be overwhelming. At times, I can’t shake the thought that she’s only four years old, and we have many more years of this ahead of us.
Another layer of frustration comes from the judgment we sometimes face from other parents and educators. They often look at my partner, Sam, and me as if we’re failing in some way. I truly believe we’re doing our best to manage Mia’s behavior, but she is simply who she is. While I can’t speak for all parents dealing with similarly challenging children, I suspect that most of us are actively working on these issues and don’t need extra scrutiny.
Not everyone is judgmental, fortunately. I remember a meeting with Mia’s preschool teacher, where we naturally felt a bit anxious about her behavior. Sitting at a tiny table with Ms. Lee, a warm and approachable woman in her fifties, we discussed Mia’s development. We touched on her progress with colors and numbers, which were great, but I finally had to ask about her behavior.
After a brief pause, Ms. Lee acknowledged that Mia can indeed be a handful. Then, she shared a few amusing stories about redirecting Mia, all while chuckling. What struck me most was her closing remark: “I want that little girl to be who she is, because she is pretty wonderful. She’s going to conquer the world someday. Just never dull her spirit.” In that moment, I felt a wave of optimism wash over me, and I exchanged a smile with Sam.
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In summary, parenting a spirited child like Mia is no easy task. Despite the hurdles and judgments, it’s important to embrace their unique personality and encourage their strong will while guiding them to thrive in a social environment.