From a young age, I understood that patience was not my strong suit. However, I didn’t realize that my quick temper stemmed from underlying anxiety. The feeling of needing to constantly move on to the next task often overwhelmed me. Whether this was due to FOMO (fear of missing out) or an inclination to overanalyze situations while waiting on others, it left me feeling uncontrolled, impatient, and angry.
After becoming a parent, the demands for patience only intensified. The effort required to calm a crying infant, the time it took to become comfortable with breastfeeding, and the myriad of other challenges that come with parenthood often left me simmering with frustration. Strangely, I couldn’t pinpoint who I was angry with, given my lifelong desire to become a parent.
“Just relax,” I would tell myself. My longing for children was palpable; I often approached mothers with strollers, eager to hear about their experiences, as I couldn’t wait to embark on my own journey into motherhood. While perhaps an exaggeration, I felt a magnetic pull towards pregnant women and parents, often hoping their energy would somehow inspire my own fertility.
Yet, during one particularly prolonged nursing session with my youngest, a moment of clarity struck me: the resentment I felt was directed at myself. My short fuse was a barrier to the kind of nurturing parent I aspired to be. I was frustrated with how easily anxiety overwhelmed me during simple tasks like teaching my children to tie their shoes or manage an ice cream cone without creating a mess. I was missing out on being present.
It is important to recognize that, unless one possesses extraordinary patience, many parents struggle with maintaining composure—especially those grappling with stress and anxiety. Stress can exacerbate feelings of anxiousness, leading to anger when we feel overwhelmed. Before you know it, you might find yourself taking over a task that your child is attempting, simply because you can’t bear to watch them struggle for even a moment longer.
I also understand the aftermath of these emotional outbursts. Even if your frustration doesn’t reach a boiling point, the guilt that follows can be debilitating. You might feel terrible for rushing your child, speaking too harshly, or wishing for silence when they excitedly share their love for cartoons. It’s easy to feel selfish for letting those emotions take over, particularly when your primary goal is the well-being of your child.
I, along with countless other parents, have been in similar situations more times than I care to remember. There have been days when witnessing my child struggle with a simple zipper nearly pushed me to my breaking point. We all promise ourselves to do better the next day, and while some days we succeed, others we falter, and sometimes we merely get by.
This doesn’t make us bad parents. If you identify as a short-fused parent, know that you are not alone. We all have moments where we lose our cool because, let’s be honest, parenting is incredibly challenging. It’s a universal struggle, and there will come a time when our children will understand this—possibly when they become parents themselves. For now, what they need most is our genuine love and acceptance of our human imperfections. Sometimes, that love is accompanied by a bit of frustration, and that’s perfectly okay.
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Summary
The challenges of parenting can be exacerbated by personal anxiety and impatience, often leading to feelings of frustration and guilt. Acknowledging these emotions is essential for growth as a parent. As we strive to improve, it’s crucial to remember that our imperfections are part of the journey and that understanding will come with time.
