Occasionally, people inquire about my productivity levels, and I have a bit of a confession — I embody the traits of a Type A mom. My brain is constantly in overdrive, always asking, “How can I accomplish more today?” or “What can I do to surpass yesterday’s achievements?” This relentless internal dialogue drives me, yet I find myself resisting it daily.
The reason for this resistance is clear: this mindset often steals my joy and detracts from moments that deserve my full presence. It’s emotionally draining, and I don’t want to be remembered as someone who was always racing against an invisible clock.
After becoming a mother, my Type A tendencies intensified. While cradling my baby, I would mentally map out the laundry schedule. During their nap times, I turned cleaning into a competitive sport, always seeking out tasks to complete. Whenever my children played contentedly, I felt compelled to be productive, tackling chores instead of savoring those precious moments.
My Type A nature often leads to a sense of loneliness. Eventually, I reached a breaking point. Each morning, I started repeating a simple mantra: “Be gentle on yourself.” I made a conscious effort to slow down, quiet my racing mind, and truly appreciate the present. Over the years, I’ve learned that taking a moment to enjoy a cup of coffee or share a hug with my kids is far more valuable than checking off items on a never-ending to-do list.
Becoming a mother created an internal pressure to be the ultimate parent, but my children taught me that they don’t need a superhero, just a loving mom. The more I practice ignoring the nagging thoughts in my head, the easier it becomes. Yet, the struggle is ongoing. There are days when I manage to let go of the dirty dishes, and weeks when I can look past the neglected baseboards without feeling overwhelmed.
However, that Type A impulse always seems to resurface, much like a toxic ex who still manages to catch your eye. It’s all too easy to slip back into familiar habits, even if those habits drain my energy. Some days, instead of just trying to accomplish my tasks, I’m sprinting through them: cleaning, preparing healthy meals, checking homework, connecting with my kids, and maintaining the façade of having everything under control. It’s a demanding cycle, and I often stumble along the way.
I tend to keep these feelings to myself. The nature of a Type A personality leaves little room for mistakes, including admitting the struggles I face in my quest to “get it all done.” It highlights my flaws, and that’s not something I want to showcase. However, the truth is, we all have our shortcomings. We are who we are, and no personality type is without its challenges. We all face struggles, and we all have things we prefer to keep hidden — it’s just part of life.
I often wish I could shed my Type A tendencies. I don’t want to be that mom who feels compelled to be everything at once. If you find yourself constantly critiquing your own performance or feeling pressured to achieve standards you wouldn’t impose on anyone else, you’re not alone. It’s exhausting, and my children notice it too. A while back, my youngest paused during my cleaning frenzy and asked, “Mom, why does everything have to be perfect?” That question struck me hard.
The fear of letting go of my constant drive to do everything perfectly is daunting. If I abandon my relentless pursuit of productivity, who will I become? What will define me? This thought is terrifying, but not nearly as frightening as rushing through my children’s lives, obsessively trying to check off tasks. I need to occasionally set aside my to-do list and shift my focus, because the memories I’ll cherish most are the ones made when I’m fully present.
I’ve been actively working on this issue for several years, striving to understand my motivations. Acknowledging why we behave the way we do is crucial for growth. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I may always have Type A characteristics — that’s simply part of who I am. According to Psychology Today, “an individual’s personality remains relatively stable over time.” While it’s possible to change some traits, significant change requires effort.
Thus, while I might always have these ambitious tendencies, I can learn to place less importance on details. I can recognize that my home doesn’t have to be immaculate at all times, nor do I need to constantly beat my previous race times. It’s okay not to achieve everything or be in control all the time. By accepting my Type A personality, I can also grant myself some grace. Ultimately, I find greater happiness when I don’t fixate on the organization of my closet or the cleanliness of my kids’ rooms.
Even if complete transformation isn’t achievable, there’s always room for growth.
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Summary
The journey of a Type A mom can be fraught with challenges, as the desire for perfection often overshadows the joy of the moment. Embracing the present and acknowledging imperfections can lead to a more fulfilling parenting experience. While the struggle against Type A tendencies is ongoing, understanding oneself is key to finding balance and happiness.