Updated: July 29, 2017
Originally Published: Feb. 12, 2015
There are moments when the look in my husband Mike’s eyes, filled with exasperation, speaks volumes. It’s the way I feel when I sense his critique of me or my long list of perceived flaws. At times, it’s the things he says—oh, the way he says them—that push me to the brink of frustration. There are days when I wish for a smoother flow, but instead, I find myself stressed. His excitement when recounting a story often leaves out critical details, leaving me bewildered.
Mike is my partner, and I know he has his own list of irritations about me. While I could list them all, it would take too long and likely bore you. But since you asked, here are a few:
- He can’t stand when I leave my clothes inside out.
- He wishes I did laundry more frequently.
- He is annoyed when I don’t rinse dishes before loading them into the dishwasher.
- He hopes I could manage our finances better—he’s right about that.
- He wishes I was less sensitive and could let things slide.
- He would like me to show some interest in sports, even if just for his sake.
- He thinks I should play outside with the kids more often.
- He wishes I didn’t always feel so exhausted from Lyme Disease.
Some of our frustrations are openly discussed, while others are just understood between two people who have shared nearly a decade of marriage. A few years back, the small annoyances turned into major grievances. Our spacious home suddenly felt constricting, as if we were constantly stepping on each other’s toes despite the room we had. Our growing resentments and frustrations seemed overwhelming, particularly because our communication was lacking.
As the emotional distance widened, we found relief in being apart. But as a family, we were not allowed that distance, and the tension only mounted. Adding two strong-willed children to the mix didn’t help ease the situation. Would things have been better if they were all sunshine and rainbows? I doubt it.
About two years ago, we seriously contemplated divorce. We had lawyers involved and contracts drafted, each laden with legal jargon. I had even chosen a contemporary townhouse that starkly contrasted with our traditional family home. We discussed how to break the news to the kids, how to divide our assets, and how to maintain a close relationship for the sake of shared custody. It all felt surreal, and rightly so.
Just two weeks before I was set to move into my new home, and while we were preparing to finalize the divorce, we had a moment of clarity—“What are we doing?” It took us reaching this point to realize that neither of us truly wanted to end our marriage. Yes, we both craved change, but we weren’t ready to walk away.
One thought lingered in my mind as the divorce loomed: Mike is my team. He’s the first person I call to share good news, and he’s also the one I turn to when life feels overwhelming. I couldn’t abandon my team—not like this.
Marriage is challenging. Anyone who claims otherwise is likely not in one. Two individuals come together with different dreams, personalities, and quirks, and it’s a delicate balance. Sometimes, it simply doesn’t work out. Whether things flow smoothly or not, maintaining a marriage requires ongoing communication, mutual respect, and often, a hefty dose of compromise. It can be exhausting—even now, after we’ve committed to one another again.
Earlier, I mentioned Mike’s quirks that annoy me. But it’s only fair to share what made me realize I didn’t want to lose him:
- He has an incredible ability to make me laugh.
- His love for his family and friends is genuine and unwavering.
- He is fiercely loyal and treats his friends like brothers.
- I admire his passion for what he loves (sports included).
- When I’m down, he doesn’t let me stay that way for long.
- He is a wonderful father.
- When I allow it, he is a fantastic husband.
- He always compliments my hair, even when it’s not looking its best.
He will always be my person. Each day, we show up for one another, and every day brings something new. Some days we function as a great team, while others are filled with disagreements. Yet, I’m beginning to understand that the person I chose to be on my team is the one I need right now, and I am dedicated to being there for him.
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In summary, marriage requires constant effort and compromise, but the bond we share is worth fighting for. The journey isn’t always easy, but every day presents an opportunity for growth and understanding.