We are currently experiencing an unprecedented period. As COVID-19 spreads across the globe, many of us find ourselves confined to our homes, grappling with heightened levels of anxiety. Millions of children have been pulled from their schools, returning to parents who may not feel prepared to take on the full-time responsibility of caregiving. The uncertainty of this situation leaves us all searching for answers and support.
As a parent living with complex PTSD, I face numerous triggers within my home environment. My spirited four-year-old and my delicate 16-month-old constantly demand my attention, while my husband prepares for a demanding full-time job from home. Meanwhile, my own part-time work hours have been drastically reduced due to our limited childcare options. It’s all too easy for me to become overwhelmed and lose my composure in front of my kids as my PTSD symptoms emerge unexpectedly.
I also worry deeply for the countless children who relied on school as their safe haven. My heart aches for those trapped in abusive homes, particularly now that lockdowns have become more widespread. However, even amidst this turmoil, I remind myself that we still possess the power to make choices, however constrained they may seem. Having experienced childhood abuse firsthand, I can assure you that this is not the moment for harsh or violent discipline. Our children and loved ones need our understanding, our support, and our presence now more than ever.
This time serves as an opportunity for me to reflect on my decision to avoid spanking or any form of physical discipline. The memories of my own childhood are painful but crucial in reinforcing my commitment to parenting with empathy and responsiveness.
When I was six, I was told to wait for my grandmother after school. When dismissal came, I forgot who was supposed to pick me up. Feeling anxious, I searched for a friendly face. One of my classmate’s fathers offered me a ride home, which I gratefully accepted. However, my joy quickly vanished when I arrived home to a furious outburst and was chased upstairs by a parent wielding a wooden spoon. I was terrified, knowing what was about to happen.
This was not an isolated incident. I experienced physical discipline in various forms—being dragged by my hair, thrown from a bathtub, and hit countless times. Though there were moments of normalcy, fear loomed large, and I learned to associate love with fear. The consequences for mistakes were severe, leading me to believe I needed to behave perfectly to avoid punishment.
The long-term impact of that abuse has been profound. As a teenager, I struggled with an eating disorder and developed an addiction to diet pills. As an adult, I faced debilitating panic attacks and muscle spasms, eventually being diagnosed with complex PTSD stemming from childhood trauma. My self-esteem was shattered, leading me to feel unlovable and perpetually anxious about disappointing those I trusted.
When parents inflict pain and shame, children don’t stop loving them. Instead, they internalize that love comes at a cost, which damages their self-worth. This cycle continues into adulthood, affecting their relationships and parenting.
Organizations like the American Psychological Association are advocating for a nationwide ban on spanking, emphasizing its harmful effects on children. It’s time for parents to recognize the consequences of physical punishment and seek healthier alternatives.
To anyone struggling with the urge to discipline violently, I want you to know that I empathize with your struggles. Parenting is incredibly challenging, especially for those who didn’t have positive role models. However, it’s crucial to understand that your children will only learn to fear you through violence. They will associate love with pain, leading to long-lasting emotional scars. Now is the time to heal your relationship with them.
One of the most valuable lessons from my therapist is that repairing our mistakes is often more significant than the initial harm caused. Apologizing and changing how we interact with our children can lead to healing. Children are incredibly resilient, but we must not take that resilience for granted. They need a nurturing environment, especially during these times of uncertainty.
If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, there are resources available. The Alliance Against Family Violence provides support for those in crisis. Additionally, for more insights on the journey of self-insemination, you can visit this link or explore information from this resource. For excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination, check out NHS information.
In conclusion, let’s commit to fostering a climate of care and support for our children during these challenging times. They depend on us to shape their world positively.