After welcoming my son into the world, I can confidently say that my heart has never felt more complete. However, my body tells a different story—particularly my vagina.
During my six-week postpartum examination, my physician began with an unsettling remark: “Well, that’s unfortunate.” Hearing this while dealing with unresolved stitches in such a sensitive area was far from comforting, especially since I had been too apprehensive to inspect the situation myself. It was almost as jarring as the moment when she asked, “Where’s the other needle?” after stitching me up. The anxiety I felt while she searched for it rivaled the intensity of labor itself.
To clarify, my doctor is fantastic. I was fortunate to have a shift change during my delivery, and while my first doctor temporarily stepped away, the new one arrived just in time to assist in my son’s birth. Now that’s what I call exceptional service.
So, what was the issue?
“The stitches in your labia didn’t hold.”
Oh no. I had been eager to start strengthening my pelvic floor muscles after giving birth, hoping to avoid embarrassing situations like leaking during laughter or sneezing. Perhaps I had overdone it?
“Here, take a look,” she said casually, handing me a mirror. As I peered down, I was met with a shocking sight: the left edge of my labia, which should have been a smooth line, appeared split in two, with the top portion detached entirely. I had developed what I jokingly referred to as a “labia flap.”
“It’s fixable during your next pregnancy!” she said with a smile.
Seriously? I’d have to endure this entire ordeal again just to address my anatomy? After leaving the appointment, I sat in my car, resting my head on the steering wheel, and cried for a solid minute while my newborn wailed in the backseat. I mourned not just the physical change but what it represented—the profound transformation that motherhood entails.
When I tried to share my feelings with fellow moms, my complaints seemed trivial. During our gatherings, discussions often turned to wild birth stories, where my experience barely registered. One friend had endured a severe tear, and another had labored for three days to deliver a ten-pound baby. Given that my perineum was intact, my concerns didn’t garner much sympathy.
On the bright side, my husband has never mentioned my situation, which alleviates some embarrassment. It’s unlikely I’ll become a model for intimate health or find myself in the adult film industry, allowing me to avoid public scrutiny. Yet, I wish I could say I no longer think about it, or that I view it as a badge of honor, like the stretch marks some women embrace. Unfortunately, I don’t feel empowered; I feel more like a peculiar hairless cat—cuddly but undeniably strange.
Just when I start to forget about the flap and find comfort in my postpartum body, an unexpected tug reminds me that I’m no longer the same woman I was before motherhood. I know many will urge me to embrace my new self, suggesting that motherhood is inherently beautiful. Yes, some changes, like stretch marks, are expected outcomes of pregnancy, but a labia flap feels like an unwelcome surprise.
So, I made the decision to get pregnant again just six months after my first child. Whenever someone inquires about the spacing of my children, I candidly admit that my desire to rectify my anatomy played a role in my timing. It’s a conversation starter—one that often leaves people speechless.
While I know I’ll face sleepless nights, endless diaper changes, and a potential drought in my intimate life, I hold onto the hope that I’ll eventually have a restored vagina. And this time, those stitches had better hold.
This article originally appeared on March 18, 2018. For those interested in further information on home insemination options, check out this post on artificial insemination kits.
In conclusion, the journey of motherhood is filled with unexpected challenges, and the physical changes can be both daunting and disheartening. However, finding humor and connection in these experiences can help navigate the complexities of postpartum life. For more insights on fertility and pregnancy, resources like IVF Babble and Intracervical Insemination offer valuable information.