Parenting can be an overwhelming journey, especially when you’re managing multiple children. As a mother of four, my youngest son, whom I affectionately refer to as Max, is now 10 and a half years old. Yet, I often find myself thinking he’s more like 33, fully capable of handling the world independently. This is a narrative I frequently tell myself—my weary, done-with-it attitude as a mother. I convince myself that he doesn’t require my emotional, physical, or social support, as he receives ample nurturing from his three older brothers.
For the past five years, since he started kindergarten, I’ve essentially put Max on auto-pilot. With my newfound freedom once the last child commenced school, I somewhat disengaged from motherhood. After dedicating over a decade to raising young children, I felt it was my time to reclaim my identity beyond “mom.” However, in doing so, I neglected to re-engage with my youngest child, assuming his increasing independence meant he needed me less. I celebrated his growth, believing that he was thriving on his own, but overlooked the crucial reality: just because he appeared self-sufficient didn’t mean he actually was.
I had happily left Max to navigate life independently, convincing myself that it was normal for my involvement to dwindle. Thankfully, I thought, he seemed to be managing well because, after all, I had little left in the tank to offer him. I kept telling myself he would be fine—there was no need for me to hover over him. That is, until I realized he genuinely needed me, and it was time for me to step back into my role as a parent. The consequences of my absence dawned on me one day when I recognized that Max, in his confusion, was trying to guide himself through life without proper direction.
Having a large family often leads to chaotic situations that can be both amusing and overwhelming. Amid the laughter and daily challenges, there lies a mother who is utterly drained, grappling with the fatigue of parenting similar stages of childhood repeatedly. This exhaustion can lead to a gradual loosening of our grip on our younger children as we strive to keep our heads above water. When we see them thriving, it’s easy to let go even further until we find ourselves disconnected from a child we know very little about.
Max deserves the same level of attention and care that I provided to my first child. As challenging as it may be to reinvest in motherhood, I must try. I owe him more than the bare minimum; he deserves my full commitment. While I may not be able to replicate the energy I had as a new mother, I can draw upon my years of parenting experience to nurture Max as his own individual rather than just another child to mold.
The transition to motherhood is often discussed, but little is said about the difficulty of navigating the later years when you crave to rediscover yourself while still having a child who needs you. Yes, we begin motherhood with vigor, but it’s crucial to remember the importance of finishing strong as well. I am determined to rise to the challenge, even if I feel exhausted and worn out. I may be inching towards the finish line of parenting, but I am committed to ensuring that I wear my “medal of motherhood” with pride.
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Summary:
Navigating the complexities of parenting, especially as your youngest child grows, can be challenging. As mothers, we often find ourselves overwhelmed and may unintentionally disengage from our children. It’s essential to recognize this disconnect and strive to reconnect, ensuring that every child receives the attention and care they need. Even in moments of fatigue, we must commit to being present for our children as they develop into their own individuals.