It was an ordinary evening in the kitchen, with my three kids comfortably settled in the living room, engrossed in a movie. I turned to my partner, Lisa, and confessed, “I feel like I’m not measuring up.” Lisa, dressed casually in her favorite flannel shirt and jeans, paused, arms crossed, and locked eyes with me. “How could you possibly feel that way?” she asked.
I leaned against the counter, staring at the floor, and replied, “I don’t know. I just feel like I’m missing something.” As is often the case, I struggled to pinpoint exactly how I was falling short. It was a familiar sensation, one that gnawed at my insides—a default feeling of hopelessness that I’ve battled for much of my life. My struggles with anxiety and depression have been ongoing, particularly worsening during my late teens when I began experiencing obsessive-compulsive disorder. I lost a significant amount of weight and found myself in a dark place, contemplating suicide and dropping out of college.
These days, I lead a relatively normal life. Yet, like many who grapple with mental health issues, it remains an uphill battle. There are highs and lows, and occasionally, I share my feelings of inadequacy with Lisa, who responds with the kind of understanding that feels like a lifeline.
She stepped closer, inquiring about work, which had been stressful but manageable. Then she asked about the kids. I shared my observations: our middle daughter was a bit cheeky yet endearing, our son needed more outdoor time but would eventually find his way, and our youngest was like a playful raccoon, bringing laughter amid chaos.
“I just wish I could be more present as a father,” I admitted. “I feel like I work too much.”
“You’re doing wonderfully,” she reassured me, prompting us to list the positive aspects of our lives. She reminded me of our camping trip planned with our daughter, Norah, and how I had surprised our son, Ethan, with the latest Harry Potter book, which he adored. Hearing her affirmations lifted my spirits.
“I feel a bit better now,” I acknowledged, as she asked if she could pose a question.
“Do I not make you happy?” she inquired.
While Lisa has always been supportive throughout our twelve years together, I sometimes think she doesn’t fully grasp my inner turmoil. She radiates joy and positivity, which drew me to her. I raised my hands defensively. “No! You keep me grounded,” I insisted. “The truth is, I used to think my anxiety stemmed from external factors—my father’s struggles with addiction or my parents’ divorce. But I’ve come to realize that those events don’t define my anxiety.”
I shared my past experience with medication and how a doctor once recommended exercise, which ironically led to more anxiety when I didn’t meet my self-imposed exercise goals. “I ended up over-exercising and harming myself,” I said. “It felt like I was running from shadows that didn’t exist.”
I explained that searching for meaning in my anxiety often led to irrational decisions, like leaving a loving spouse when the real issue lay within myself.
“The breakthrough came when I acknowledged my depression and recognized it as my own issue, not something external,” I told Lisa. “When you help me see that I have no real reason to feel like a failing father or husband, you provide me with more support than anyone else could.”
She met my gaze, and with sincerity, she said something I think many dealing with mental health issues long to hear. “Yes, I understand.”
It’s often challenging to articulate mental illness to someone who hasn’t experienced it, and sometimes, even to myself. Much of it feels nonsensical, yet it’s undeniably real and burdensome. This complexity is particularly challenging when parenting while navigating anxiety and depression; it leads to worries that may not align with reality, often resulting in reliance on a partner for clarity.
Ultimately, that’s the essence of partnership—being there for each other, providing support like the two sides of an archway, especially when one person is struggling.
For more insights on navigating the emotional landscape of parenthood, check out this article on home insemination kits and learn about mastering milk flow at Intracervical Insemination. If you’re exploring family-building options, the American Pregnancy Association is an excellent resource for information on donor insemination and other related topics.
In summary, navigating the challenges of parenting while dealing with anxiety and depression requires open communication and support from loved ones. Acknowledging one’s struggles and fostering understanding within a partnership can lead to a healthier, more fulfilling family life.