In November, I reached the age of 46. I found myself feeling sluggish, scattered, and a bit lackluster. One night, I woke up in a panic at 1:24 a.m., convinced I heard someone playing a single note on the piano downstairs for hours. My hair refused to cooperate, and I seemed to have misplaced my sense of humor. For the first time, I truly felt the weight of adulthood—and honestly, I wasn’t enjoying it.
Then came my birthday. I woke to the cheerful sounds of my children and partner singing to me, showering me with gifts and affection. What a relief! Perhaps 46 wouldn’t be so bad after all. I spent the day in the typical modern fashion: scrolling through Facebook. Messages from friends, family, and even old acquaintances flooded in, reminding me of the connections I had made over the years.
Surprisingly, I didn’t feel overwhelmed by the passage of time or the multitude of people in my life; instead, I felt a sense of abundance—more relationships, more memories, more love—just more of everything. I realized, “Time has allowed me to embrace more in my life,” and for the first time, I truly understood the saying, “I’m not old, just experienced.”
Among the birthday wishes came several photos that stirred memories. My sister shared a baby picture of me gazing longingly at a pastry shop window—evidence of my lifelong love for baked goods. An old friend posted a page from a notebook where I had penned a poem for her; it was my first taste of being a commissioned writer! And then there was a photo from my 26th birthday, shared by my former roommate. I looked vibrant—curly hair, sun-kissed skin, and a smile that lit up the room. When I showed it to my family, my partner remarked, “That’s how you looked when we first met!” My teenage daughter exclaimed, “Mommy, you looked so pretty in your wedding pictures!” While my 8-year-old son simply asked, “Who is that?”
Although the years had seemingly slipped by, I realized that I had transformed significantly over the past two decades. Looking in the mirror on my 46th birthday, however, I felt dissatisfaction with what I saw. I was beginning to feel the effects of aging, and I decided I was not ready to accept that. The day after my birthday, caught up in my usual responsibilities—work, kids, household chores—my conscious mind forgot about my resolution. Yet, a part of me didn’t forget, and I began to make subtle changes over the following months.
I reconnected with friends who truly mattered and let go of the negativity from those whose opinions weren’t worth my time. I reduced my social media habits and prioritized quality time with my family. I read more, snacked less, and even prepared my garden for spring. We enjoyed playful moments—jumping on beds, searching for sea glass, and creating messy science experiments in the kitchen. Laughter filled our home, and I found myself smiling more.
Now, nearly three months after that birthday, I woke up, picked up my book, hit the gym, had a light breakfast, styled my newly permed curls, put on hoop earrings, slipped into my ripped jeans, and scuffed shoes, and gazed into the mirror. The youthful version of myself appeared to be looking back. Sure, I had a few bags under my eyes and still carried some extra weight from my youngest (who is now 8), but I also felt more confident and fulfilled.
So, for anyone facing a midlife transition, I offer this advice: choose an age that represents the best version of yourself. Reflect on what made you feel that way, as that essence is still within you; you may just need to dig a bit deeper. It’s worth the effort—your best self in midlife could be a treasure that only you know how to unearth.
For those exploring paths to parenthood, check out our post on home insemination kits as well as discussing racism with your children for valuable insights. For more information on fertility, visit Science Daily, which is an excellent resource.
Summary
Turning 46 prompted a journey of self-reflection and renewal for me. While the years have flown by, they have also enriched my life with connections and experiences. By reconnecting with what truly matters and focusing on self-improvement, I’ve found a renewed sense of confidence and fulfillment. Embracing the essence of my younger self has proven to be a valuable treasure in navigating this midlife transition.