As I push my shopping cart through the grocery store with my 3-year-old daughter, Lila, and my 1-year-old son, I can’t help but feel the weight of a comment from a stranger. “That girl can’t talk.” It’s a throwaway remark, but it hits hard.
Lila, my expressive little one, is busy chiming in with her own string of sounds as I explain our grocery list. “Yeah, yay, Mommy! Yummy! With pink!” she says, referring to her favorite strawberry jam. She may struggle with her words, but her spirit shines brightly. She has never uttered the words “I love you, Mommy.” Instead, she gently cups my face in her tiny hands, gazing into my eyes, and says, “Hi, my Mommy. Hi,” before snuggling against me.
In that moment, I feel a surge of protectiveness. I want to chase after the boy who made the comment, to explain Lila’s journey. Since she was 2, she has been in speech therapy, and her progress has been remarkable. I reflect on the countless hearing tests we’ve had, the fears we’ve had about her birth—concerns stemming from a cord wrapped around her neck. I often wonder if I could have done something differently. Did I hold her back by keeping her home instead of enrolling her in daycare? Was I too focused on nurturing her attachment? Did I not read to her enough?
If you are a parent of a child with speech or developmental delays, you know these thoughts all too well. The self-doubt can be overwhelming. It’s easy to fall into the trap of blaming yourself for your child’s challenges. We’ve all heard the judgments—if your child misbehaves, it’s your fault; if they’re picky eaters, it’s your fault; and if they’re lagging in development, it’s again your fault.
But here’s the truth: it’s not your fault. I understand my daughter in ways that others may not. Despite her struggles, she communicates with all the effort she can muster. I wish I could tell that boy and his mother about Lila’s progress since joining a preschool that includes a speech pathologist. She has made tremendous strides in expressing herself, from narrating her playtime with her dolls to identifying colors. When she says “lello” for yellow, it’s the cutest thing, and I hope she never stops.
This year, she managed to go trick-or-treating and proudly exclaimed, “tick-teat” and “tank you,” words that many children learn much earlier. She is now eagerly anticipating Santa Claus, her little voice shouting “Ho. Ho. Ho! Uppy, Mommy!”
As I glance back at Lila, who is now quiet and no longer talking about “pink yummies,” a smile spreads across my face. “What a silly boy,” I say cheerfully. “Of course you can talk. Remember, we were just discussing yummies with green jam.”
She giggles, and her younger brother joins in. “No, Mommy! Pink!”
“Pink jam?” I ask.
“Uh yeah!” she replies with a grin.
It’s not your fault, dear parent. One day, you might find yourself wishing for just a moment of silence as your child babbles away, filled with words and stories to share. Cherish those moments of understanding, even when it feels like only you know their heart.
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