As a parent of four daughters, I often find myself bracing for the familiar comments that come our way. It’s a routine I’ve been navigating for nearly a decade, and the responses are so predictable. Whenever I’m out with my girls, the onlookers typically exclaim, “Four girls?! You must be so overwhelmed! Poor Dad, he’s completely outnumbered. Are you going to try for a boy?” The cashier’s sympathetic gaze is all too familiar as I prepare to respond.
“I truly feel fortunate to have all girls,” I manage to say, forcing a smile while hoping my expression conveys my desire to end the conversation. Yet, she continues, “Just wait until the teenage years! Poor daddy!” I quickly grab my receipt and usher my girls toward the exit, feeling the weight of her words linger.
“Mommy?” My seven-year-old asks, her brow furrowed with confusion. “Why do people say ‘poor daddy’ and ask if we’re going to have a boy? Are girl babies not as good as boy ones? Is daddy sad he doesn’t have a boy?”
Frustration wells up inside me. Her sister had posed a similar question a year prior, and I can’t help but wonder when my youngest will start to think along those lines. I smile reassuringly. “Not at all! Daddy loves having all girls, and so do I.”
“Well, some people don’t seem to think it’s a good thing,” she says, still frowning. I understand her uncertainty; this was the third time we’d faced such comments that day (our record stands at eight during a single outing).
The Ongoing Dilemma
This captures my ongoing dilemma. People feel compelled to comment wherever we go. Out of all the remarks we’ve received, only a handful have been genuinely positive regarding my daughters’ shared gender. It’s amusing because my sister, Emma, has four boys and experiences the same thing. “We constantly hear sympathy, jokes, and inquiries about trying for a girl. I would have loved to have a daughter, and yes, I sometimes feel sad about not having one. But I cherish my boys.”
I recognize that most people don’t intend to be hurtful; they’re often just trying to engage in conversation. However, words can have a significant impact. For children who observe the sympathetic expressions and hear the comments, those words can feel heavy and disheartening.
My friend, Lisa, who has three sons, shares similar sentiments. “We always hoped for a little girl. I wish we could try one more time, but it’s just not financially feasible. Strangers asking if we plan to try for a girl brings back the pain of that loss.”
Shifting Expectations
Before having children, I envisioned certain experiences I would share with both a son and a daughter. My husband had similar expectations, imagining he would teach a son skills like opening doors for ladies or shaving. He loves having daughters, but the realization that we would not be raising a son was a significant shift for us.
Ultimately, it signifies the passage of time; a chapter in our lives is closing. We often dream of futures filled with endless possibilities, yet having all children of one gender closes the door on those experiences associated with the opposite gender. It took time for me to accept that I wouldn’t be raising a little boy, even though I had hoped for girls and prayed for them during every pregnancy.
Celebrating Family Dynamics
Regardless of whether families revel in having all children of one gender or not, they adore their kids. Many parents with same-gender children would likely prefer to avoid the constant stream of remarks from strangers, which can be hurtful, regardless of intentions.
When we arrive in a burst of coordinated pink outfits, adorned with tutus and crowns, we certainly attract attention. However, unless you’re ready to celebrate our family dynamic with a thumbs-up, I wish you’d think twice before commenting.
Conclusion
In conclusion, navigating the world as a parent of four daughters comes with its challenges, especially when faced with unsolicited remarks. While these comments often stem from good intentions, they can be disheartening for both parents and children. Instead of focusing on the perceived shortcomings, let’s celebrate the joy and love that families bring, regardless of gender.
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