Parenting
Navigating Intimacy with Children in the Home
by Sarah Thompson
Updated: Sep. 17, 2023
Originally Published: April 4, 2023
After having a baby, it’s often advised to wait a minimum of six weeks before resuming any intimate activities. While some may find themselves waiting the full time, others might find themselves itching to reconnect sooner. Regardless, the reality is that hormones, breastfeeding, fatigue, and new sleeping arrangements can make intimacy feel like a distant memory. However, if you’re feeling anxious about how to maintain your romantic life with little ones around, worry not. It is possible to rekindle that spark, and it can be just as fulfilling as before.
Having intimate moments with children nearby can feel akin to sneaking around at your parents’ house. You can still enjoy the experience, but it requires some thoughtful planning.
1. Keep It Down
In your younger years, you may have indulged in rather loud expressions of pleasure. Now, however, with children in the house, it’s crucial to embrace a quieter approach. Picture yourself at your in-laws’ home where every creak in the floorboards can wake someone up. When it comes to intimacy, think of it as if your mother-in-law is waiting just outside the door. This means no loud noises, no enthusiastic exclamations, and certainly no thumping headboards. Whispering sweet nothings directly into your partner’s ear is the way to go.
2. Be Prepared
Think of yourself as the ultimate scout of intimacy. Gather your essentials beforehand: lubricant, protection, and anything else that enhances your experience. Set the mood by arranging pillows and ensuring the bathroom light is on to avoid startling a sleepy child. Lock the door—no matter the age of your kids, it’s always better to be safe than sorry. Make sure your pets are settled, as their noise can also disturb a peaceful moment.
For added discretion, consider keeping things under the covers. It may feel a bit tangled, but it ensures privacy from curious eyes.
3. Get Creative
If your child is still an infant, you have an array of options available. They won’t be interrupting since they can’t move yet. Sofas, floors, or even the shower can become your intimate spots. Best of all, you won’t have to worry about someone else claiming the wet spot.
Once your children start to walk, it’s wise to confine your activities to rooms that can be locked. It’s essential to avoid surprises, especially when your little one walks in on you.
4. Maintain Regularity
While no one should pressure you into being intimate, remember that you are also a sexual being. Having kids doesn’t diminish that desire. In fact, making the effort can revive your connection as a couple. Even if you feel ambivalent about intimacy, allowing yourself to engage can reignite that spark. You can always stop if it’s not working out, but you might just find that it’s worth the effort.
5. Handle Awkward Moments
If you find yourself caught in a compromising position, have some handy excuses ready. You can say you’re playing a game, hugging, or doing something private. If you’re feeling bold, you might even tell your preschooler that you’re having sex. Most children will either nod and move on or ask a couple of innocent questions. For the more curious ones, have some books on hand to deflect.
6. Clean Up After
Once you’re done, it’s crucial to hide any evidence of your activities. Store items like lubricants or toys out of reach, perhaps in a secured drawer or even consider a discreet box for quick access. Make sure to dispose of any wrappers properly to avoid unwanted discoveries.
In the end, intimacy is still attainable even with kids around. Your expressions may not be as loud or spontaneous as they once were, but the connection remains. Intimacy is beneficial for you as a couple, fostering emotional ties and reminding you that you’re more than just parents.
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Summary
Maintaining intimacy after having children is entirely possible with the right approach. By keeping quiet, preparing in advance, being creative, and ensuring regularity, couples can still connect meaningfully. Handling awkward moments with child-appropriate explanations and ensuring a discreet cleanup can help navigate the challenges of intimacy in a busy household.