After three years of unsuccessful attempts to conceive, my partner and I realized we needed professional assistance. But where do you start? After consulting three different OB-GYNs and two fertility clinics, we finally embarked on our treatment journey. Looking back, the time spent searching for the ideal doctor and program could have been better used focusing on conception. Here are five crucial things I wish I had known before diving in.
1. Doctors May Not Know the Cause of Infertility
Fertility specialists often struggle to pinpoint the exact reasons behind infertility. In my experience, they were at a loss. My menstrual cycle was regular, and while I did have hypothyroidism—a common issue—it was easily managed. My partner’s sperm was labeled “extremely potent,” and all other tests were normal. The frustrating truth is that many doctors simply don’t have the answers. However, the goal is not to identify the problem but to achieve pregnancy.
2. It’s All or Nothing
The first doctor I consulted was competent and well-respected. Yet, once he assessed my age (under 35), normal BMI, and lack of significant health issues, he immediately suggested IVF. I inquired about Clomid or IUI, but he dismissed them, claiming low success rates. It made me wonder if some practitioners prioritize IVF to enhance their success metrics while overlooking other viable options. While some women may appreciate the aggressive approach, I wasn’t ready, both financially and emotionally, so I chose to seek another opinion.
3. Daily Exposure to Heartbreak
After switching doctors, I finally became pregnant, but at eight weeks, there was no heartbeat, and by ten weeks, I faced a heartbreaking miscarriage. Such experiences are unfortunately common for many women struggling to conceive. Fertility specialists witness this heartbreak daily, and they must maintain a level of detachment to do their jobs effectively. Though this may seem cold, it’s a necessary aspect of their professionalism.
4. Limited Availability
Following my miscarriage, we tried again. I became increasingly anxious and frequently contacted the clinic to check on blood results. Despite my worries, the medical staff were patient. The waiting room was full of women sharing similar fears and concerns, all seeking answers. I had to remind myself that the doctor’s busy schedule meant he was helping many others, and I needed to trust his expertise.
5. A Shared Journey
When my fertility doctor referred us to an OB-GYN after confirming our healthy pregnancy, he shared in our joy. The nurses congratulated us and encouraged us to return with our baby. After months of visits and challenges, it dawned on me that we were no longer just my partner and I fighting for this dream; we were part of a larger team, including the medical staff who genuinely wanted to see us succeed. This sense of community is something I’ll hold on to when we pursue baby number two.
Arriving at this understanding required time, research, and resilience. For anyone facing infertility or considering IVF, remember that you are not alone. For more insights on at-home insemination, check out this post. If you’re navigating pregnancy in your 40s, this guide offers valuable information. Additionally, if you’re looking for support, this resource is an excellent place to find help and community.