My daughter declared her independence from dresses on her third birthday. I had saved a lovely Hawaiian dress adorned with purple and white hibiscus flowers for her celebration, but when I presented it to her, she stomped her feet, crossed her arms, and firmly stated, “I am not a doll!” Since that day, she has refused to don a dress, even for significant occasions like her first communion, her cousin’s wedding, or my uncle’s funeral. Instead, she opted for white pants and a green jacket during her communion. She even dodged wearing a skort for lacrosse by taking on the goalie position and avoided a long black skirt for band by playing percussion.
However, this year has posed a new challenge as she and her friends approach their 13th birthdays, a milestone marked by numerous bar and bat mitzvahs. When invited to a friend’s bat mitzvah, she suggested wearing khakis and a long-sleeve T-shirt, which, while a step up from her usual cargo pants and hoodie ensemble, still didn’t meet the dress code. After some negotiation, she settled on her black band pants paired with a plain blue button-down shirt, but it still didn’t feel right.
Thus began our dreaded trip to the mall—a task I wasn’t particularly eager to undertake. I prefer shopping at stores like Ann Taylor or Loft or browsing online at Garnet Hill rather than wandering through mall chaos. To ease into our shopping trip, we stopped at a café for a snack and discussed acceptable colors—anything but pink, purple, and definitely no floral prints. Thankfully, that left us with quite a range of options.
I cautioned her about the overwhelming atmosphere of the juniors’ department, filled with loud music and frilly dresses, suggesting she keep an open mind. As we roamed the department, we joked about the extravagant strapless dresses with flouncy skirts and sparkly tops. We briefly checked the children’s section, but it was clear she had outgrown that style. We then ventured upstairs to the adult section, hoping for better luck, but left empty-handed.
My daughter was ready to give up and revert to her khakis, but I encouraged her to revisit the juniors’ department and seek assistance from a salesperson. After all, we were at Nordstrom. The salesperson guided us to a section featuring black and white tops, silky black pants, and cardigan sweaters, suggesting we mix and match. My daughter reluctantly chose a geometric-patterned top and a black cardigan, insisting she would stick with her black band pants. However, we persuaded her to try on the silky black pants for a complete look.
To her surprise, she found the silky harem pants to be the most comfortable option—baggy and relaxed, much like her cargo pants. She was also thrilled with the shoes: chic black high-top sneakers that zipped up the back instead of requiring shoelaces.
While the outfit may not fit the traditional standards for bar mitzvah attire, it was certainly dressy enough for her. Most importantly, it aligned with her unique style, allowing her to look like a polished version of herself rather than conforming to someone else’s expectations.
As we completed our purchase, I asked her to rate her comfort level in her new outfit on a scale of one to ten, with ten representing her beloved cargo pants and hoodies, and one being a dress. Without hesitation, she replied, “7.” Both the sales associate and I agreed that achieving a comfort level of 7 in a dressy outfit was an accomplishment worth celebrating.
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In summary, navigating the fashion preferences of a tomboy teen can be challenging, especially during significant social events. However, with patience, creativity, and a willingness to explore, it’s possible to find attire that respects their individuality while still meeting the occasion’s requirements.