I need to come clean: it’s not you; it’s me. We may share 117 friends, and you might be wonderful in real life, but our connection on Facebook has reached its expiration date. Consider this a graceful Facebook breakup.
We had our moments, you and I, along with our 117 mutual acquaintances. I enjoyed your kids’ Halloween photos and managed to overlook your posts on divisive topics. I even commented on your vague updates about “exciting news,” all while internally eye-rolling so intensely that I nearly strained my vision. But as my grandma used to say, if you have nothing nice to say, it’s best to stay silent. So I scrolled, I liked, and I turned a blind eye to the unsettling aspects of your online persona.
However, the truth is, I just can’t handle it anymore. Your Facebook rants about juicing and your judgment of that mom who didn’t wash her hands at Target? Let’s just say, bless your heart. I aim to be tolerant and avoid confrontation, but your posts often make me reconsider humanity as a whole.
Life is too short for unnecessary negativity, and I don’t want to spend my downtime on Facebook feeling like I need a cleansing shower afterwards. Thankfully, there’s the Unfriend button (or Unfollow, if I’m trying to be subtle). With a single click, I can reclaim my peace of mind.
It’s not you; it’s me. Perhaps I’m simply overwhelmed by your excessive #SoBlessed posts. Sure, you have a beautiful life and want to share it, which is admirable. However, your humblebrags leave me feeling queasy. To avoid any allergic reactions, I’ll take a healthy dose of #Unfriend whenever I see that hashtag.
And let’s not forget, if your Facebook account turns into a pulpit, you might as well pack your bags. My patience for guilt-laden sermons is wearing thin.
Are you trying to sell me something on Facebook, despite the fact that our last interaction was filled with high school drama? Not a chance. I’m not letting you host a party to introduce my friends to essential oils or the latest home organization trends. Time is precious, especially for a mom like me.
Speaking of time, I also have little tolerance for sanctimommies. Posts that begin with “I don’t mean to judge but…” are instant red flags. I’m done! But again, this is on me. Perhaps hormonal fluctuations are driving my urge for a social media cleanse.
And just to be clear, if you’re the type who spreads sexist, racist, or homophobic jokes, consider yourself unfriended without hesitation. This time, it really is you. Bye, Felicia!
No matter the reason behind our Facebook separation, please don’t take it personally. Like I said, it’s not you; it’s me.
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Summary
In this candid reflection on Facebook interactions, the author humorously details the trials of maintaining online friendships that have become burdensome. The piece highlights the importance of setting boundaries for personal peace, particularly in the context of judgmental posts, humblebrags, and unsolicited product promotions. Ultimately, the message encourages readers to take control of their social media experiences for their well-being.