I tend to be quite the chatterbox, often sharing more than I probably should. I can’t help it—transparency is just part of who I am. Sometimes, this leads to unexpected conversations. Recently, while chatting with a colleague I had just met, she inquired about my life—my kids, vacations, the usual small talk. When she asked about my marital status, I responded as always: “No, but I’m in a relationship with my child’s father. We’re together, just not living under the same roof.”
Her puzzled expression mirrored that of so many others. Unconventional situations like mine can be hard to grasp, especially across generational divides. Then she said something that struck a nerve: “That’s an interesting arrangement. Kids these days face so much dysfunction. It seems like broken homes are the norm now.”
Dysfunction. Broken. These words evoke strong feelings in me when applied to families. Why have we come to label divorced families as “dysfunctional”? It’s a rhetorical question, but it still frustrates me.
The notion that divorce equates to dysfunction and brokenness is a damaging stereotype. Sure, there can be difficult moments during a divorce, but that doesn’t mean we should brand families with such negative descriptors. These labels are harmful, especially when divorce has become so common. It’s time to stop associating terms like “dysfunctional” and “broken” with families that don’t fit the traditional mold.
My family is not dysfunctional—far from it. My child should never feel that way. If my partner and I had stayed in an unhealthy marriage filled with arguments and tension, wouldn’t that have been more accurately described as broken? Now, our child enjoys the unique experience of having two homes. Yes, there are challenges, but at the end of the day, she has two parents who love her, and we all function as a family despite our divorce.
Hearts may be mending post-divorce, but they won’t remain broken forever. Let’s eliminate the idea that we are damaged. Our new reality is not dysfunctional; it’s simply different. The pursuit of a “perfect” family structure is unrealistic—perfection does not exist. We must move beyond these stigmas.
Every family, whether through separation or blended households, is striving to function as best as they can. The process isn’t easy, and it can get messy, but our love for our children is what drives us. Every decision made is with their best interests at heart. We don’t want them labeled as “broken” or “dysfunctional.”
Collectively, can we acknowledge that families experiencing divorce are doing the best they can? I may not have grown up in a divorced household, but I know many thriving, successful individuals who did. They are not worse off; they are simply different.
All families are beautiful and unique. They don’t need to fit a mold; they just need love.
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In summary, it’s essential to recognize that divorce does not equate to dysfunction or brokenness. Families come in many forms and are often filled with love and support. We need to redefine our understanding of family dynamics and stop perpetuating harmful stereotypes.