By: Sarah Jennings
Updated: August 3, 2023
Originally Published: July 8, 2012
While you might not expect your child to need this information for years to come, you take pride in fostering an open and honest dialogue about all subjects, no matter how uncomfortable they may seem. You’ve always been ready to discuss topics covered in health classes without embarrassment, even going beyond the curriculum to share your insights and opinions. You’ve used clinical terms and slang to ensure she’s well-informed and not caught off guard at school.
However, the unexpected can happen. Imagine driving home during a torrential downpour when she suddenly asks, “Mom, is it true that if you do this long enough you’ll taste salt?” as she humorously mimics shaking a salt shaker over her mouth.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, here are some strategies to approach this delicate conversation:
- Stay Composed: Avoid showing shock or panic. Keep your voice steady and ask her to stop her demonstration. Inquire where she heard this information. If the blame falls on her brother, assume it was a friend’s influence, redirecting the responsibility onto someone else’s parenting skills.
- Choose a Private Setting: It’s best to have these discussions away from younger siblings. Ensure no one else is listening, and wait until after bedtime to address the topic. You can’t pretend it didn’t happen, so confront it directly.
- Be Mindful of Your Language: Realize that any acknowledgment of familiarity might lead to uncomfortable connections to your past. Explain what she was imitating, but be cautious of any affirmative comments that could prompt more questions you aren’t ready to answer.
- Prepare for Follow-Up Questions: Anticipate that she may want more details. Mentally prepare your responses regarding aspects like texture and appearance, and try to steer clear of food comparisons. If she doesn’t ask further, take a moment to be grateful and find a reason to exit the conversation.
- Utilize Correct Terminology: If you can’t recall the right terms, a quick Google search can help. Remember to clear your browser history afterward to maintain privacy.
- Keep It Brief: Save deeper conversations about ethics and hygiene for another time. Acknowledge that she may not be as interested in this discussion as you are, and that her original question might have been about condiments.
- Encourage Discretion: Remind her that some parents might prefer to delay these discussions. Warn her that if you hear about anyone else “tasting salt,” you’ll know where it originated. Finish with a heartfelt plea for her to avoid engaging in such actions, considering her father’s feelings and the family’s reputation.
- Promote Openness: Let her know she can come to you with questions. It’s better she hears it from you than from peers, as you want to be the one guiding her through these topics to prevent misunderstandings and embarrassment.
- Give Yourself Grace: Understand that your child is exposed to a wealth of information through various channels. Reflect on your own childhood experiences, like the time you learned a new term from classmates. Remember that parenting tweens often requires navigating unexpected situations, and being prepared will help you through this journey.
In summary, talking to your tween about sensitive subjects like oral sex can be challenging, but it’s essential for fostering trust and understanding. By keeping the conversation private, composed, and brief, you can navigate these waters more smoothly. For related insights on fertility topics, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.