On an unexpectedly sunny winter day in Connecticut, the beach buzzes with children wearing masks, gathering in groups like puppies finally released from restraint. My son, Marco, holds my hand as he scans the playground for a potential friend. “Maybe I’ll find someone at the swings; I’ve had luck there before,” he says, breaking away to dive into the chaos.
I can’t help but feel skeptical. The passive approach of waiting for someone else to make the first move was never my style. But then again, I wasn’t an eight-year-old boy. As he darts toward the swings, I settle onto a nearby bench.
A boy, dressed in a white polo, approaches the swings and Marco’s eyes light up, but the boy walks past. Unperturbed, Marco continues to swing higher and higher. I choose to observe rather than intervene, hoping he makes a connection today.
I never envisioned being a parent to just one child; I always thought I would have two or three. However, after complications during pregnancy, including concerns over preeclampsia and postpartum depression, my family plans shifted. As I approached my 45th birthday, I made the difficult decision to undergo a hysterectomy, accepting that my family was complete and Marco would remain an only child.
I often wonder what it’s like for him to grow up without siblings. Is the stereotype that only children are self-centered and maladjusted accurate? Would Marco become overly bossy or socially withdrawn? Nannies used to ask if I planned to give him a sibling, insisting that it was my duty to ensure he learned to share. “Don’t you want to give him a brother or sister?” one mother asked, even as her two children bickered beside her.
Over time, I learned to brush off the comments and embrace our family of three. Growing up as one of four siblings didn’t shield me from feelings of loneliness; I often felt overshadowed by my brothers and sister. My son, on the other hand, never has to compete for my attention.
When he was younger, Marco did ask for a sibling, and I explained our situation. We decided to adopt a cat instead. We were blessed to live in a supportive community in New York City, surrounded by neighbors who acted as affectionate surrogate relatives. Playdates with other families became a regular occurrence, and Marco would sneak his iPad to nearby friends, giving me some quiet time.
Financially, raising one child has its advantages. Our small apartment feels just right, and with fewer expenses, we’ve enjoyed more outings and adventures, including trips to Italy, Alaska, and Costa Rica.
Then came the pandemic. After weeks of confinement in our apartment, we retreated to my mother’s house in the suburbs. Since last March, it has been just Marco with three adults and a cat. Our little family became his entire world—his teachers, caregivers, and playmates. He wrestles with us for fun and chats endlessly about everything from Captain Underpants to the meaning of life. Unfortunately, we often let screens fill the sibling void, watching others play video games online rather than engaging in play ourselves.
Marco is fortunate to have two attentive parents and a loving grandmother. I couldn’t imagine a more delightful child, yet I sometimes question our choice to not pursue having another child, especially during these isolating times. As the pandemic begins to wane, I worry about the long-term effects of the solitude on Marco and other only children who spent the past year surrounded solely by adults.
Back at the playground, Marco is swinging away when a boy with messy curls joins him. The boy glances over, and soon they’re swinging in sync. Maybe Marco has developed the ability to make friends out of necessity, being an only child. I remember feeling lonely when my older siblings refused to play with me. We all need to remember that in this challenging time, we are all doing our best—parents and children alike.
Moments later, I see Marco laughing with a group of kids on a spinning ride. His joyful laughter rises above the others, a sweet reminder that even in tough times, there’s hope for connection.
If you’re interested in topics related to parenting or home insemination, you might find this blog post helpful. Additionally, for more information on fertility and insemination, check out this excellent resource on IVF.
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In summary, raising an only child comes with its unique set of challenges and rewards. As parents, we strive to provide our children with opportunities for connection and growth, even in difficult circumstances.