Updated: June 12, 2018
Originally Published: Dec. 7, 2017
Hello, I’m 33 years old and currently entrenched in a challenging relationship—with my mother. The journey that brought us here is complex, and somehow, I’ve found myself in a position of victimhood, subjected to her psychological abuse.
You might wonder, what did she say or do? What made her behavior so harmful? And as an adult, why would I tolerate this? These inquiries are valid, as my mother never physically harmed me or engaged in inappropriate behavior. We shared positive moments and happy times together, yet here we are. This reflects the confusing nature of abuse; it doesn’t always manifest as overt aggression. Instead, it often begins with affection, charm, and a deceptive sense of safety—exactly what my mother provided.
For years, I didn’t identify her as an “abuser” or label her conduct as “abusive.” But now, with clarity, I recognize the truth: I have endured emotional abuse for most of my life.
Initially, her manipulative tactics were subtle. There were no violent outbursts or harsh insults. Instead, I was drawn into a world where her emotions dictated mine—“Mommy’s upset. You wouldn’t want to make her sad, would you?” These sentiments seemed innocent enough at first, but they quickly morphed into a more sinister pattern. Over time, her manipulation escalated to include anger, resentment, and hostility, and I became the target of her vitriol.
She belittled me, mocked me, and did everything possible to undermine my self-worth. I absorbed her harsh words, believing I was inadequate and worthless. Furthermore, she isolated me, limiting my social interactions and forbidding me from enjoying typical teenage experiences like parties or sleepovers. For years, I had virtually no social life.
It wasn’t until my 18th birthday that I broke free from her grasp. However, I still didn’t fully grasp the extent of her impact on my life. I knew I felt hatred toward her, but it wasn’t until a recent therapy session that the realization struck me: I was in an abusive relationship, albeit with my 63-year-old mother.
Psychological abuse can manifest in various forms. Some abusers use isolation and rejection, while others resort to belittlement and humiliation. They may terrorize their victims, engage in excessive teasing, or subject them to verbal threats. Unfortunately, because psychological abuse doesn’t leave visible scars, many victims remain unaware of their situation until it’s far too late.
I battled this invisible struggle for years, fighting not only against my abuser but within my own mind. Psychological abuse is more than just hurtful remarks; it is cold, cruel, and controlling, leaving lasting effects on victims. It can deeply impact self-esteem, relationships, and overall mental health. My relationship with my mother stripped me of my voice and power early on; even now, I often find myself trying to please others, lacking essential social skills.
Consequently, this pattern also led me into an abusive marriage. I ended up with a partner who inflicted both emotional and physical harm, and the trauma from both relationships has resulted in anxiety and PTSD—issues I still grapple with daily.
So, what can we do about it? How can survivors unite to help others escape similar situations and break the cycle? First, we must speak out. We can support those still suffering by listening to them and providing the necessary tools to seek help. Most importantly, we need to acknowledge these behaviors for what they are: abuse. Psychological manipulation, emotional degradation, neglect, and isolation should never be tolerated.
As for me, I am seeking professional support to confront my pain, work through my trauma, and reclaim my voice. I’m learning to set boundaries that honor my self-worth and foster a belief in my own value. Although I love the woman my mother once was, I cannot maintain a relationship with her anymore because I love myself enough to distance myself from toxic influences. This decision is incredibly difficult, filled with disappointment and guilt—especially knowing my mother carries her own burdens from her upbringing.
To anyone reading this who can relate—if you find yourself in a similar situation, know that healing is possible. With time, guidance, patience, love, and care, you too can move toward a better future. You are worth it.
For more information on navigating these topics, consider exploring resources like the excellent guide available at ASRM or check out articles on psychological and skin treatment at this site. And if you’re interested in home insemination options, visit this informative post.
Summary:
In this piece, the author shares their personal experience of enduring psychological abuse from their mother. They reflect on the subtle beginnings of manipulation, the eventual escalation into emotional degradation, and the long-lasting effects on their self-esteem and mental health. The narrative emphasizes the importance of recognizing psychological abuse, speaking out, and seeking help. It concludes with a message of hope for others facing similar challenges.