My partner is a devout Christian. He’s not just someone who casually identifies as Christian; he actively studies the Bible, engages with the teachings of Jesus, and cherishes his church community as a group of fellow believers.
In contrast, I was raised in an atheist Jewish household, where traditions were more cultural than religious. My connection to Judaism is stronger through humor—think Mel Brooks and gefilte fish—than through faith. I didn’t have a bat mitzvah, didn’t attend temple, and didn’t even take days off from school for Jewish holidays. I did, however, enjoy family Passover dinners and had a menorah at home.
For a long time, I labeled myself agnostic until I stumbled upon Penn Jillette’s book, God, No! which made me realize I was more accurately an atheist who softened the term. I do sense a deeper rhythm in the universe, but not one that involves a deity who demands worship.
I had a few non-negotiables for my future partner, chief among them being that he couldn’t adhere to any religion. Although I have friends with religious beliefs, I couldn’t fathom a serious relationship with someone whose worldview differed so drastically from mine. Then I met Mark, who shattered all my preconceived notions, and I fell for him deeply.
We addressed our differing beliefs early in our relationship. Mark is incredibly open-minded, and his strong faith didn’t clash with my atheism or my very liberal upbringing. His family is much more laid-back about religion, which has fostered a warm connection among us. They exemplify what it means to be good people—open-hearted, charitable, and non-judgmental—setting a positive example through actions rather than words.
Raising Children in a Multi-Religious Environment
When it came to raising children, many warned us that our differing beliefs could lead to conflict.
What’s the reality? Nothing.
- Were there disagreements? No.
- Are the kids confused? Not at all.
- Is there awkwardness during holidays or on Sundays? Not really.
- Do we conceal our views from the kids? Absolutely not.
On Sundays, Mark often attends church. Occasionally, one or both kids join him. I admit, I feel a twinge of discomfort when they come home with Sunday school materials, but I try to let it go. If they don’t want to attend, they’ve got the option to stay home. I might occasionally plan fun Sunday outings to tempt them away, but we navigate it smoothly.
Christmas celebrations are a delight for me. I’ve loved this holiday since childhood, and now, surrounded by Christians, I can fully embrace it, decorating our home with lights and all. I’ll proudly say I’m “The Jew Who Loves Christmas.” (One day, I’ll write a children’s book with that title.)
Hanukkah is straightforward: we light the menorah without reciting prayers since I don’t know them. I still use the same menorah from my childhood. Other Jewish holidays go largely unnoticed, especially since schools now close for them too.
Our son enjoys exploring Bible stories and discussing them with Mark, while our daughter, who’s 7, shows less interest and sometimes misinterprets my views. At one point, she declared to her friends, “Mommy hates God,” and I had to gently correct her to avoid any misunderstandings.
Believe it or not, Mark and I have never argued about religion or how to approach it with the kids. We’ve engaged in many spirited discussions, yet even when we disagree, we maintain our composure and strive to understand each other. I can’t fully grasp his faith, and he can’t fully appreciate my perspective, but we coexist beautifully.
Discovering Common Ground
In our early conversations, we discovered two surprising things:
- We both loved The Chronicles of Narnia series by C.S. Lewis, a literary cornerstone of our childhoods. I had no idea they were steeped in Christian theology, but that didn’t alter my affection for the books.
- Mark had never met anyone with a strong moral compass who didn’t derive it from religion. Conversely, I was unaware that someone could maintain faith while still being a genuinely good person.
Mark’s previous experiences with a more fundamentalist church left him disillusioned when he was deemed “unequally yoked” because of me. When he left, several friends followed suit, equally dismayed by the situation.
Ultimately, my guide for navigating this multi-religious marriage is simple: respect one another. Mark believes it’s God’s role to reach out to me, while I know that won’t happen. Nevertheless, I recognize the joy and strength his faith brings him, and I would never obstruct that. I’ve encountered several of his church friends, and they are warm, intelligent individuals—much different from what I initially anticipated.
Maintaining open minds and hearts is the key to our relationship’s success. As our children grow and pose more questions, we’ll continue to tackle those inquiries honestly. When things work, they simply work.
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Summary
This article explores the dynamics of a marriage between a devout Christian and an atheist Jew, emphasizing mutual respect and open communication. The couple navigates parenting and holiday traditions without conflict. Their successful partnership reflects the importance of understanding and acceptance in a multi-religious relationship.