Parenting
By Emily Hartman
Updated: November 15, 2019
Originally Published: November 15, 2019
Trigger warning: child loss
Despite having a seemingly healthy pregnancy and following all the right steps, my twins made their entrance into the world at just 27 weeks, approximately three months before their expected arrival. I didn’t even get to experience the third trimester. Like many parents of premature infants, I found myself utterly unprepared for life in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU).
My little ones were delivered through an emergency C-section and immediately taken away to battle for their survival. It was several hours before I could hold them in my arms. In those moments, I felt a mix of fear, overwhelm, and even guilt. But soon enough, I understood that I was not the one in the fight; my babies had their own battles to face. Their organs were underdeveloped, their skin was fragile, and their tiny bodies were smaller than most dolls.
We often hear about the challenges that come with being a NICU parent. It’s incredibly hard to relinquish basic parental duties to a team of professionals. Pumping breast milk every two hours for months on end is no small feat. The uncertainty of the NICU looms heavy, as parents grapple with the fear of not knowing how or if their baby will make it through this challenging start to life. Guilt and shame can weigh heavily on NICU parents, even when we know rationally that we are not to blame.
The experience of being a NICU parent is both physically and emotionally draining, but what must it be like for the preemies themselves? What is it like to be confined to a plastic box for hours, days, or even months, when they should be nestled in their mother’s warmth?
Preemies are remarkably resilient, yet they face immense challenges. I watched my babies struggle to breathe, and during those moments when they couldn’t, I had to endure the sight of breathing tubes being inserted down their tiny throats. There were times I helplessly witnessed my babies being taken to the OR, my heart aching with every passing moment. Each night for months, I left the NICU with a heavy heart, longing to be with them until morning.
Without modern medical advancements, my twins would not have survived beyond a day. Level IV NICUs cater to the most vulnerable infants, providing specialized care and interventions that help these tiny fighters make it through. Premature birth exposes these little ones to serious complications. Tragically, 324 days after their birth, my son, Noah, passed away due to complications from necrotizing enterocolitis, a severe intestinal condition. Yet, his twin sister, Lily, defied all odds and is now a thriving, healthy child. This bittersweet reality of having one twin pass away and the other flourish highlights the unpredictability of being born too soon.
November is Prematurity Awareness Month. According to the March of Dimes, 1 in 10 babies in the U.S. are born prematurely each year. Just thirty years ago, many very-low-birth-weight infants did not survive. Thankfully, advancements in care mean that more preemies are living and thriving than ever before. You can honor the strength of preemies and the dedication of their families by recognizing Prematurity Awareness Month and World Prematurity Day on November 17.
For more information on the challenges of necrotizing enterocolitis, you can visit the NEC Society, a nonprofit organization committed to eradicating this devastating disease that affects vulnerable infants. If you’re curious about the journey to parenthood, check out our post about at-home insemination, where you can find valuable insights, including info from trusted sources like Intracervical Insemination and the NHS.
In summary, the journey of having twins born at such an early stage is fraught with challenges and emotions. The resilience of preemies and the dedication of their families shine through the darkness of uncertainty.