Tears streamed down her face. In one moment, we were discussing her day at school, and in the next, she opened up about feeling isolated among her classmates. When I probed further, she admitted that the other girls spent all their time chatting about TikTok videos—an area she felt completely out of touch with.
While my tween has a cell phone, we’ve made the decision to keep her off social media. Her phone is primarily used for texting, setting alarms, and listening to music. She has been remarkably responsible with her device, consistently notifying us about anything inappropriate and adhering to our guidelines. The issue isn’t her; it’s the overwhelming influence of social media, strangers online, and peers who often lack proper boundaries.
I will openly acknowledge that we are somewhat strict as parents. As a writer, I encounter my share of online negativity, including nasty comments and insults. I have developed a tough exterior, but when it comes to my children, I am committed to shielding them from any form of bullying or what we consider unsuitable content online. TikTok, like other social media platforms, is a mixed bag of entertaining, educational, and controversial material. I enjoy TikTok myself and post occasionally. However, I am not ready to expose my child to a realm that feels more suited for adults.
Our decision to keep her off TikTok also stems from our emphasis on family time, relaxation, physical activity, and—dare I say it—reading books. While technology can be fun in moderation, I’ve noticed that many of my daughter’s friends often end up eating alone in their rooms, scrolling aimlessly on their phones when they’re bored. This mindless consumption can be harmless at times, but it frequently leads to exposure to content we believe is inappropriate for twelve-year-olds.
At school, when the girls gather, their conversations revolve around TikTok videos that my daughter has never seen. Since phones are prohibited during school hours, they can’t even share the videos directly. Instead, they endlessly chat about them. When my daughter confided this to me, I could picture it vividly and feel for her. Middle school is a time when fitting in becomes paramount, and it’s common for kids to feel self-conscious.
I asked her how this made her feel, and she described feeling both annoyed and sad. Naturally, she feels excluded. Nonetheless, she also expressed that their discussions could benefit from more variety, stating that talking about the same topic all the time is dull. She even exclaimed, “Why can’t they just read a book sometimes?” (Proud mom moment!)
My daughter is somewhat unique; she enjoys reading, learning, and baking. It’s a joy to see her whip up new recipes. She doesn’t show much interest in makeup or crushes, and she has never once asked for social media access.
Yes, I recognize it’s 2021, and technology plays a significant role in our lives. I, too, spend time scrolling through social media. However, as an adult, my brain is fully developed, allowing me to discern fact from fiction and filtered images from reality.
While my daughter is developing critical thinking skills, she doesn’t need platforms like Instagram, TikTok, or Snapchat to do so. Although she is conscious of her appearance, she doesn’t obsess over capturing perfect selfies or editing them to present an unrealistic version of herself. I’m fine with a flattering angle or a cute outfit, but when every image of her peers seems flawless, it creates an uncomfortable feeling.
Many women spend years learning to accept their bodies, complete with all their imperfections. I can’t shield my children from not always loving themselves, but I can certainly help by limiting their exposure to social media pressures that suggest they aren’t amazing just as they are.
My goal is for my children to focus on self-investment rather than seeking validation through likes and comments. I envision social media as a tool for connection, not a platform for idolization or self-transformation into someone unrecognizable.
Call me old-fashioned if you wish! Many parents lament their children’s social media habits, and I refuse to push my child into an environment that often proves more harmful than beneficial. As adults, we’ve learned to steer clear of toxic influences, and to me, social media is increasingly toxic, especially for tweens.
I encourage my tween to text and foster face-to-face interactions and genuine relationships. Above all, I want her to thrive without feeling her self-worth hinges on the approval of others for her edited photos.
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In summary, my tween is facing challenges because her peers are engrossed in TikTok, leaving her feeling isolated. While we’ve chosen to limit her exposure to social media, it’s essential for her to foster real connections and prioritize self-acceptance without the pressure of online validation.