When my first child, Lily, was little, she had a unique flair for accessorizing. She donned goggles as if they were headbands, layered Mardi Gras beads around her neck, and wore old sweatbands on her wrists. As she grew, her style evolved to include tutus over tights, scarves as capes, and bandanas tied like a pirate.
Lily then developed a love for animal prints, often mixing leopard, tiger, and cheetah patterns in delightfully chaotic ways. She was like a safari mullet: cheetah on top, tiger on the bottom. With a bandana, she resembled a rock star. She would carry around bags filled with her prized possessions, eagerly waiting to produce a plastic tea cup or half a deck of cards.
People admired her independent style, and so did I. I hoped she would always embrace her individuality, no matter how quirky. These days, while she’s less whimsical, I’m thrilled that my kid remains indifferent to fashion trends and overall appearance.
Now a 5th grader, Lily is taller than some parents and has navigated the choppy waters of puberty with surprising calm. Her body and moods may fluctuate, but at her core, she’s still the same child who wore riding boots with pajamas. She dresses for herself, oblivious to what others think.
My ex and I have never engaged in back-to-school shopping. We ensure they have fitting sneakers and a functional backpack, but that’s about it. When they outgrow clothes, we replace them. Much of their wardrobe comes from thrift stores, and I take pride in their excitement over these finds. We’ve never stressed about first-day outfits; we only ask they wear something clean.
However, as Lily prepares to enter middle school, I noticed her friends putting more thought into their outfits. I wondered if she would care about her appearance. The stained t-shirt from our local dentist and nearly-too-small shorts she wore suggested she had given it zero thought. She looked ready for a yard work session rather than the classroom.
“Is that what you’re wearing to school?” I asked, surprised.
“Yes, I just put it on,” she replied.
“Is that shirt what you want to wear? Those shorts might be due for retirement.”
“Why? I like this shirt. My shorts are fine.”
I paused. She was right; her outfit was perfectly fine. In that moment, I realized I was projecting my insecurities onto her, stemming from my own childhood experiences of feeling self-conscious about my clothes. I had been embarrassed by my secondhand attire, fearful of being judged.
Yet, here was Lily, unbothered by such worries. She possesses more privilege than I did as a child, but she remains humble. She sees others’ clothing choices as expressions of individuality rather than measures of worth. I needed to step back and let her be herself.
“You’re right,” I said. “Just so you know, there’s a small stain on your shirt. Is that okay?”
“Meh. I don’t care.”
“Cool. Just brush your hair.”
At this point, she seemed annoyed. “I did!”
Upon closer inspection, her hair looked a little less messy than when she woke up. I smiled at my big girl, who, despite still clutching her beloved blanket at night, seems to take up more space as she grows. She is wise beyond her years, having embraced lessons that took me a lifetime to learn.
Lily carries a practical approach to her clothing, showing no interest in following the latest trends. She trusts her instincts and feels no need to be hyper-aware of her appearance. I need to celebrate this mindset more often, as it’s a valuable lesson for both of us.
“What are you smiling about?” she asked.
“Just you,” I said. “You look great and ready for 5th grade. I’m proud of you.”
Lily is comfortable in her own skin and doesn’t aim to match her friends’ styles. She listens to her own inner voice, which leads her to wear mismatched outfits that she insists look good because they share a common theme.
Keep being you, kid. Your outfits are fantastic because they make you feel fantastic.
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Summary: This article reflects on a mother’s pride in her daughter, Lily, who remains unconcerned with fashion trends as she enters middle school. Despite societal pressures, Lily embraces her individuality and self-expression, reminding her parent to celebrate authenticity over conformity.