At the age of 40, I found myself juggling a newborn and a preschooler, leading me to question the essence of life. Was it truly meant to be spent confined to an office, under the harsh glow of fluorescent lights? This thought lingered in my mind.
While still pregnant with my second child, my career was thriving. I managed the editorial direction of two magazines: a national health publication and a regional travel magazine. I found joy in my work and loved my toddler dearly. However, my first child was a poor sleeper, often waking me multiple times during the night and rising with the sun at 5 a.m. My responsibilities meant I was working two jobs within the span of one day, tightening copy, assigning stories, planning future editions, and proofreading layouts long into the night after my daughter had gone to bed. This left little time for rest, or much opportunity for my husband, who typically took charge of dinner after returning home from work, as I often stayed late at the office. Missing bath time was never my intention.
This was how we operated. For years, it worked—until it didn’t. Unexpected challenges like workplace crises, traffic delays, snow days, pediatric appointments, or the fatigue from my second pregnancy made everything unravel.
After my second daughter was born, I recognized that not every mother operates the same way. Some thrive on minimal sleep while giving endlessly to their families and jobs, while others require a solid eight hours each night. I had to confront the reality that my baseline emotion was stress, not just an occasional spike. I realized, much like other mothers, that I needed a change.
When my younger daughter arrived, I transitioned to working from home, scaling back to just one magazine—a less demanding option. I arranged for an extended leave, only going into the office once a week. Surprisingly, despite the sometimes monotonous routine of playground visits, I found happiness. I appreciated the flexibility to control my schedule and no longer felt the pressure to meet constant demands. I cherished the moments to nap when the kids did, savored my coffee in peace, and relished the chance to select my projects.
I discovered a newfound joy in the mundane tasks that many might overlook: stroller walks, swing pushes, lullabies, and bedtime stories. To my surprise, I embraced these moments and realized how much I loved being a mom. Although we faced financial challenges, we managed to cut back, including letting go of our nanny, and still saved money.
A year later, when my family moved to Los Angeles for my husband’s job, I severed ties with the office entirely and fully embraced my role as a stay-at-home mom while freelancing.
Fast forward seven years, and I find myself back on the East Coast, still at home. While I have reaped numerous rewards, I’ve also faced some costs. I miss the camaraderie and sense of belonging that came with being part of a larger organization. Questions about identity often arise—what do I say when someone asks, “What do you do?” As I approach 45, I fear that as my kids need me less, the same might happen with my career. I recall the warnings from older female colleagues about leaving work and the potential emptiness it could bring once the children are grown.
But what about the deep connection I’ve forged with my kids? What about knowing I’ve been there for their formative years? Surely that holds value.
Ultimately, time will tell. I have no regrets about my decision. I still maintain a professional identity as a freelance writer, even if it’s in a different sphere. I accept assignments at a fraction of my previous pay, but I dared to pause and enjoy life’s simple pleasures—both the roses and the diapers. I savored the sunshine away from those office lights, cherishing every moment I knew I wanted to be present for. I learned that life encompasses more than just work; I had the power to define what my work-life balance should be, and for me, that meant creating a fulfilling existence from home.
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Summary:
At 40, I transitioned from a demanding career in magazine editing to becoming a stay-at-home mom, finding fulfillment in nurturing my children while freelancing. I learned to appreciate the small joys of motherhood, despite the challenges and sacrifices involved. Ultimately, I discovered that life is about more than just work and that I could create a balanced existence that prioritizes family.