I seem to have a knack for producing larger-than-life children. My little ones are robust, and newborn clothes have long been tucked away in my attic. According to the World Health Organization, both of my kids are in the 99th percentile for height, making them among the tallest toddlers around.
At just 18 months old, my daughter was the size of an average 3-year-old. Meanwhile, my son, the youngest in his preschool class, towers over his peers. They often give the impression of being older than they actually are. I recall a grocery store outing when my son was just 1 and throwing a fit in the shopping cart. As I hurriedly loaded the conveyor belt with our groceries, trying to escape the impending meltdown, I overheard someone in the next line exclaim, “Wow. Someone’s 2!”
Actually, someone is only 1! Someone is still a toddler! And someone else is an adult with questionable manners, thank you very much.
People frequently misjudge my children’s ages, and while it’s usually harmless, it can be annoying. I’ve dealt with the skeptical looks from ticket agents doubting whether my big child qualifies for a child’s admission. There have also been moments when I’ve had to correct other parents who wrongly scold my kids for actions that are entirely age-appropriate. “She doesn’t understand! She’s not even 2,” I often find myself explaining.
Like any parent, I strive to teach my children kindness, respect, and that eating random food off the floor isn’t advisable. However, it’s important to recognize that toddlers have their limitations. Even when there’s no direct comment about my child’s supposed age, I can sense the assumptions from other parents who see my child as a “big kid” compared to their smaller one. I often notice them instructing my child on how to behave, assuming she is older than her actual age.
And do you know why they’re not addressing their own toddlers? Because toddlers can be quite defiant.
When another parent begins giving my daughter directions on how to play nicely with their child, I typically step in and introduce myself. “How old is your little one?” I might ask.
“20 months,” they reply.
“Oh! Mine is the same age.”
That moment of realization often leaves them wide-eyed, and they usually comment on how big my daughter is. Suddenly, expectations shift, and my child can go back to happily engaging in her own toddler antics.
Sometimes, I think about getting those age stickers to put on her clothes just to clarify that she’s not a fearsome 3-year-old charging into the baby play area at the library. She’s simply a spirited 1-year-old who isn’t quite ready to take names yet.
There are times when the expectations set by others feel entirely misplaced. If my daughter approaches a smaller child and snatches a toy, that’s typical toddler behavior. Most of the time, I prefer to let them navigate these interactions themselves. When has a 1-year-old ever truly grasped the concept of sharing? Other parents seem to expect my child to act with a maturity she doesn’t possess, and I can feel their judgment when I choose to let things unfold naturally.
Then, when the other child takes the toy back, the other parent intervenes with an exaggerated “No, sweetie. Share. You can take turns.”
Share? What does that even mean to a toddler? At that age, they hear “share” and think, “Mom says that when I want something. This ball is awesome! Oh, look! A cracker!”
It’s a futile effort.
After a bit of back-and-forth between our kids, when the other parent looks ready to explode, I often say, “Her brother was just like this before he turned 2. It’ll get easier when they’re older and can share better.”
Their eyes widen again, and the tension eases.
Kids come in all shapes and sizes, and their ages often don’t align with our assumptions. It’s always a good idea to remember that no matter how tall a child may be, their parents are doing their best to navigate the chaos of parenting too. For more insights on managing expectations in parenting, check out this article on lotus births and their safety. Also, for excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination, visit Science Daily’s fertility section.
In the end, let’s embrace the uniqueness of each child and the journey of parenthood.