My eldest has always been an emotionally sensitive kid, a true empath who picks up on the feelings of those around him. It’s like he carries a heavy load of thoughts and emotions that often manifests as a quick temper. He can easily become frustrated, often skipping the chance to calm down before reacting. I’ve seen him transition from a frustrated child to a young man who, at just 13, discovered that hitting walls can provide a momentary release.
Last year, just before Christmas, he was trying to activate a new debit card and found himself struggling with an automated system that just didn’t get him. I’ve lost my cool in similar situations, but our reactions are worlds apart. He asked me to activate the card, but I refused, knowing that he might end up damaging something in our house. I believe in not making it easy for him to avoid a meltdown.
When I told him to take a breath and try again, his face flushed with anger. I encouraged him, saying he was capable of figuring it out, but he threw his phone in frustration. I reminded him he was old enough to work and drive, and that he was smart enough to handle this. He stormed upstairs, and I heard the unmistakable crack of his bedroom door. For a moment, I felt the urge to go up and confront him, but I knew better than to fan the flames.
After a few hours, he returned and successfully activated his card. My son has a significant temper, and I’ve decided to move beyond merely “dealing” with it. Instead of just trying to keep him happy or punishing him, I want to help him learn to manage his anger.
After he damaged his bedroom door, I called a handyman to fix it, and my son had to cover the cost. You can’t destroy property and not take responsibility for it. I also remind him to take three deep breaths before reacting. These days, he does this more often than not, though he still slips up occasionally.
To further aid his emotional growth, I enrolled him in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. He’s learning coping strategies for managing his intense feelings, such as the importance of regular meals, enough sleep, and how listening to certain music can exacerbate his mood.
He’s aware of his temper and has never hurt anyone during his outbursts, but he has broken things and thrown objects in anger. It has impacted our family dynamic, and I recognize the potential for unintended harm, including to himself. I refuse to enable his destructive behavior out of fear of what he might do.
Instead, I’m focused on teaching him how to cope with his emotions in a way that prepares him for the real world. I’ve moved away from yelling and coddling, realizing those methods only made things worse for both of us.
His angry outbursts have become less frequent, but when they do occur, I still hold him accountable. This month, instead of splurging on new sneakers or car lights, his paycheck will go towards repairing the door he damaged. He’ll even spend some time painting it afterward.
While I can’t guarantee that his temper won’t flare again, I can see how sorry and humbled he feels after these incidents. He doesn’t want to lose his cool any more than I want him to, and he needs my support through this process.
I’m unapologetic about my approach, understanding that it’s crucial for him to learn how to navigate his emotions without me resorting to yelling or blaming him. My ultimate goal is to raise a responsible individual who knows how to maintain self-control in tough situations and understands the importance of facing the consequences of their actions.
If you’re navigating similar challenges, you might find valuable insights in other articles on our site, like this one on home insemination techniques or insights from experts at Intracervical Insemination. For those interested in further reading, the Genetics and IVF Institute offers excellent resources related to emotional well-being and family dynamics.
In summary, my journey with my son’s temper has shifted from merely managing it to actively helping him learn to cope and grow. By holding him accountable and facilitating access to therapy, I’m equipping him with the tools he needs for a healthier emotional future.