At first, the texts I sent to my teenage son were born out of frustration and guilt, often following heated morning exchanges that left me feeling like a failure as a mother. Once he left for school, it was impossible for me to resist the urge to reach out, whether to apologize or clarify my feelings, even knowing he wouldn’t read my messages until later.
If my son was busy working on a school project with friends or spending time at his dad’s place, I found myself sending texts whenever I had something to share. I often thought I should wait for a face-to-face conversation, but the fear of forgetting what I wanted to say drove me to type away.
In person, my son and I often fall into the cliché of having an invisible barrier between us. My maternal instincts cloud my communication, and I struggle to connect with a teenager who speaks a different language — one rooted in an era of smartphones and instant messaging. I remember a time when I used a typewriter and rotary phones, and while he claims I’m “pretty cool for a mom,” I still feel out of touch.
To my surprise, texting has proved to be a more effective communication tool between us. Even during the pandemic, when my son was physically close but emotionally distant, we found that texting allowed us to connect better than direct conversations.
Just last week, I sent him a screenshot of his grades from distance learning — it wasn’t good. Experts suggest giving kids some leeway with schoolwork during these times, but his grades indicated a lack of effort. I texted him, “You have until Friday to improve these grades, or electronics will be off-limits until you do.” It was a straightforward message, free from the emotional baggage of in-person discussions, and, to my relief, he responded, “Okay.” Four days later, his grades improved.
Our texts cover more than just discipline; I share memes that are too mature for my younger child, and his laughter fills the house. I think he appreciates that I trust his sense of humor and can engage with it. He also sends me YouTube videos — from science experiments to comical fails. When COVID-19 began affecting our lives, he shared videos on the topic, which paved the way for us to discuss his concerns over dinner, allowing us to address fears openly.
Texting has opened the door to more meaningful conversations in person. It’s like we lay our cards on the table before diving into deeper discussions. This ongoing exchange of information diminishes misunderstandings and emotional stakes. Our texts allow us to share knowledge without the awkwardness that can arise in person.
Is this why texting is more effective for us? Perhaps the lack of immediate emotional intensity helps. My follow-up messages to him after difficult mornings allowed me to process my feelings more thoughtfully. I could apologize for overreactions and express pride without losing my composure or credibility.
I can see my son’s thoughtfulness in his responses as well. While he may not use as many words, texting is his language. The memes and videos he shares reveal his personality, interests, and feelings.
Although I wouldn’t want texting to replace our face-to-face interactions, I am willing to embrace whatever means necessary to understand my son better. If that means our best conversations occur with a wall between us, then so be it.
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Summary:
Texting has become an essential tool for communication between me and my teenage son, allowing us to connect more effectively than face-to-face conversations. This method helps us share thoughts and feelings without the emotional intensity of in-person discussions, enabling better understanding and more meaningful exchanges.