I’ve got to be honest: I really dislike my body. It’s something I’ve admitted before and I’m sure I’ll say it again. Every single day, I find myself making some snarky comment about my appearance. I’ve carried and given birth to four wonderful children, each weighing over 8 pounds—one even tipped the scales at a hefty 10 pounds, 5 ounces. My body has been through a lot: stretched, poked, and prodded. And it shows. While many women wear their stretch marks, C-section scars, and extra skin with pride, I just can’t seem to embrace it.
Before having kids, I wasn’t exactly a supermodel, but I didn’t feel like a walking biscuit canister, either. Now, my body feels different—bigger and softer. Finding clothes that fit comfortably has become a daily struggle. Those trendy flowing tops that look fabulous with leggings often lead to the dreaded question: “Is she pregnant?” As a mother of four, people might assume I am. Some days, I would gladly layer on three pairs of Spanx just to avoid being aware of my stomach.
Logically, I know this mindset is ridiculous. I realize that no other mother is looking at my body and thinking, “Wow, she had kids and now she’s ruined.” Instead, they probably think, “Wow, she had four kids! I hope she’s managing okay.” Yet, despite this knowledge, I can’t shake my self-criticism.
I often scrutinize photos of myself, instantly launching into a negative critique. “Ugh, I look so heavy. My stomach is awful. Delete this!” It never crossed my mind that my negative self-talk might be affecting my children. Then, one day, while scrolling through pictures, my 4-year-old son looked up at me and said, “Mom! I love this picture of us! You look so fat!”
My heart sank. “What did you just say?” I replied, shocked.
“You look fat, mom. That’s what you always say. Is that bad?”
In his innocent mind, he thought he was complimenting me, completely unaware that my self-deprecation is unhealthy. My older sons, aged 9 and 7, understand more and they’re not happy about it. They hate the time wasted while I stand in front of the mirror, critiquing myself and missing out on family activities. They see their father trying to lift me up, only for me to dismiss his kind words. They often say, “Mom, you’re not fat!” or “You look great!” The most piercing comment came from my eldest: “Mom, you’re not fat. You’re a great mom; who cares?”
These interactions reveal a harsh truth: I’m teaching my sons a terrible lesson about women. Instead of demonstrating confidence and strength, I’m conveying that a woman’s worth is tied to her size. That’s a far more damaging lesson than any extra skin or stretch marks I may have.
My boys have shown me that they don’t care about my appearance. I am their mom, and they need me for love, support, and guidance. They’ve never commented on my stomach or any other features I’m self-conscious about. To them, I am simply their mom, and that love is profoundly humbling.
As mothers, we must practice self-love and reduce our self-criticism. Our children are always listening, even when we think they’re preoccupied. They need to hear us speak positively about ourselves. It’s time to look in the mirror and confidently declare, “I look great today,” even if we don’t fully believe it yet.
And as our mothers always advised, if you can’t find something nice to say, maybe it’s best to say nothing at all. After all, if you’re up and moving, that’s a victory. If you’ve managed to find clothes that fit, that’s fantastic. And if you can leave the house with all your kids dressed and fed, you’ve conquered the day. But if your only thought is, “I look terrible,” then it’s time to reassess.
In the journey of motherhood, let us embrace positivity and self-acceptance, not just for ourselves, but for our children’s sake as well. For more on this topic, check out our post on the at-home insemination kit, which can be a valuable resource for those navigating parenthood.
To further understand the complexities of fertility and pregnancy, visit the CDC for essential information on infertility.
Summary: The author reflects on her struggles with body image and how her negative self-talk influences her children. She realizes the importance of fostering a positive self-image not only for her own well-being but also for the sake of her kids, who learn from her example. Through self-love and acceptance, she aims to teach her sons to appreciate women for their strength and value, regardless of size.