It was a mere 24 days into the school year when my five-year-old son faced expulsion from kindergarten. His behavior had become increasingly problematic, with incidents of hitting, kicking, and even spitting on classmates occurring nearly every day. Understandably, his peers and their parents were upset, and his teacher reached a breaking point.
“We want to support his growth,” the school’s leadership team expressed to my partner and me. “However, we believe this environment isn’t conducive to his development.”
We had enrolled our son in a private school, hopeful that it would provide the structure he needed. He had demonstrated signs of possible ADHD in pre-K, struggling with aggression, focus, and sitting still—challenges we had worked hard to overcome with the help of various specialists. We believed that the lower student-to-teacher ratio would offer him the personalized support he required during this crucial transition.
Unfortunately, aggressive behavior is not as rare in young children as many might think. Research suggests that such actions often stem from developmental delays in impulse control, rather than external factors like trauma or neglect. According to Psych Central, children who exhibit aggression might have immature nervous systems, which can hinder their self-control when feelings of excitement or anger arise.
Despite this understanding, we took our son’s behavior seriously. Each morning, as I dropped him off, I offered a silent prayer, wishing for our discussions about kindness to resonate with him. I hoped he would remember to “stop and take a deep breath” in moments of frustration, just as we practiced at home. Most importantly, I prayed that no one would be hurt that day.
Behind the scenes, we were actively addressing the situation. A behavior specialist was shadowing him at school, and my partner and I were exploring recommended books and techniques. We had consulted with a doctor who noted that while our son showed symptoms of ADHD, he was still too young for a formal diagnosis.
Yet, on day 24, we were called to pick him up, along with his belongings. As he said goodbye, nearly all his classmates gathered around him for a heartfelt group hug—a moment that nearly brought me to tears.
The following day, we enrolled him in our local public school, ready to tackle the same challenges in a different setting. I signed up for personalized training with a behavior expert, whose sessions cost $350 per hour. We also enrolled in a free parenting class offered by the school district aimed at handling challenging behaviors.
I was taken aback by how unprepared—or perhaps indifferent—the private school seemed when it came to addressing behavioral issues. It was disheartening to see how easily they gave up on a five-year-old. My heart especially went out to families who might lack the financial means or resources to access the specialized support that we were fortunate enough to secure. What happens to children without the necessary help?
As a society, we have a long way to go in terms of child development. Kindergarten should be a nurturing environment for all children. I take my son’s challenges seriously, but I am determined to help him overcome them. I will not lose hope, and I sincerely hope that others won’t either.
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In summary, my son’s journey through kindergarten has been fraught with challenges, but it’s a testament to the need for patience and understanding when it comes to child development. While navigating these hurdles, I remain committed to supporting him and advocating for the resources that all children deserve.