Ghosting, the act of suddenly cutting off all communication in a relationship without explanation, was a term I didn’t fully understand until I separated from my ex-husband. The first man I dated after that tumultuous chapter seemed perfect—until he vanished without so much as a goodbye. That experience stung, but it paled in comparison to the heartache my young son faced when he was ghosted by his biological father.
When I left my husband, I was naïve. I recognized the toxicity of our marriage, but I clung to the belief that my son was precious to his father. I envisioned an ideal co-parenting arrangement where we would prioritize our child’s needs, remarry, and support him together. However, everything changed the day his father disappeared from our lives.
He resurfaced only to beg to relinquish his parental rights, relentlessly contacting me, my family, and my lawyer. He walked away, leaving my five-year-old son, who adored him, confused and heartbroken.
The months that followed were a nightmare. My son experienced severe night terrors, often waking up screaming for his father, thrashing in his sleep, and crying out, “Daddy, don’t go!” The pain of seeing my boy suffer was unbearable. We spent countless afternoons in therapy, where I had to recount our situation repeatedly, answering endless questions about his emotional struggles. Each session left me in tears, overwhelmed by the reality of our circumstances.
I developed post-traumatic stress disorder in the aftermath of it all. My anxiety escalated into debilitating panic attacks triggered by reminders of his father. Just hearing a specific ringtone or the doorbell ringing would send me spiraling into fear. I constantly carried medication, knowing that I could crumble at any moment.
My son’s sadness was palpable. I recall one day when he asked, “Does Daddy love his girlfriend more than me? Is that why he doesn’t come around?” Such questions from a five-year-old should never exist. It took immense effort to dismantle the walls of resentment he had built around our situation. He turned friends and family against me during our divorce, which I chose to ignore at the time due to my emotional exhaustion. Gradually, many of them came back, realizing the truth.
As time passed, I feared his father might reappear again, especially since he had done so before. The day he had left was exactly one year prior to his request to see our son. I couldn’t bear the thought of putting my child through that pain again.
We worked hard to maintain stability in his life. Teachers and counselors were informed and played a crucial role in monitoring his emotional state. They provided support and communicated with me whenever he struggled, which helped us navigate the tough times.
Eventually, my son began to heal. My boyfriend, who had been an incredible support throughout this journey, moved in. To our surprise, he started calling him “Papa,” referring to him as “basically my stepdad.” We continued to maintain connections with his biological father’s family, ensuring my son had relationships with them despite his father’s absence.
Today, I’m much wiser than I was three years ago. In February, justice came when a judge granted my request to terminate his parental rights, allowing me sole custody of my son.
Every Father’s Day brings a mix of emotions, and I hope his biological father is reminded of the wonderful boy he left behind. Yet, my son has moved forward. He’ll cherish the memories of the men who stepped in to fill the void left by an absent father—those who love him, swim with him, attend his soccer games, and teach him life skills.
Recently, as we drove to his last day of school, he mentioned Father’s Day and how they practiced writing cards. He told me his card read, “I love my daddy because daddy loves me.” My heart shattered. But when I gently suggested we do something for Papa too, my son replied, “But Momma, Papa is my daddy. The card is for him.”
It was in that moment that the weight of the past began to lift.
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In summary, the journey of healing from the emotional scars of abandonment takes time. Through love and support, my son is learning to thrive, surrounded by those who truly care for him.