When you become a parent, you often find yourself caught between two thoughts: wishing your child is just like you, while hoping they’re nothing like you at all. More often than not, you get a mix of both, albeit in unexpected ways. For instance, last week, I found myself on the floor trying to comfort my 7-year-old son, who was sobbing uncontrollably about having too many friends. Yes, you read that right.
I sometimes play a mental game where I envision the challenges my son might face and how I will support him through them. Yet, I never anticipated that I would be wiping away tears over a crisis about social dynamics. “It’s just that everyone wants to play with me, and sometimes I just want to be alone!” he lamented.
As I listened, I had to stifle a laugh. How is this even a problem? In my own childhood, my worries revolved around more trivial matters, like wishing I looked different or trying to fit in. But my son is not like me; he’s a natural leader. While he might be small for his age and not particularly athletic, his humor, intelligence, and imagination draw other kids to him. He has an innate confidence that sometimes surpasses his actual abilities.
Despite my occasional reality checks—“Sure, your John Travolta impersonation is cute, but let’s not get carried away”—his outgoing nature continues to attract attention. Unfortunately, this popularity comes with its own set of expectations. I reassured him that it was perfectly acceptable to tell his friends, “I need some time to myself today.” However, he was particularly worried about sparing the feelings of one friend in particular.
Surprisingly, I noticed a shift in him. This was a child who previously struggled with empathy, once declaring he wouldn’t help someone who fell because it wasn’t his New Year’s resolution. But here he was, genuinely concerned about his friend’s feelings, making progress in understanding the importance of setting boundaries.
The next day, I witnessed him awkwardly but bravely explain to his friend that he needed time alone but still valued their friendship. To my relief, the other child simply shrugged and said, “OK.” It was a small victory, showing that one can be kind while also asserting personal needs.
If only I had learned this lesson as a child, I might have avoided becoming the people-pleaser I am today. Perhaps one day, I’ll be able to tell my son just how average his impersonation really is.
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In summary, recognizing the importance of balance in friendships can help children navigate social pressures while fostering kindness and self-awareness.