Even though my children tower over me now, they will always be my little ones. Their appearances may suggest they are on the verge of adulthood, and my desire to trust them completely is strong, but experience has taught me otherwise. It feels like just yesterday they were learning to string together naughty words and tell little fibs. I thought that phase was difficult, but I was unprepared for what was to come.
Now, as they navigate their teenage years, we’ve progressed to issues like sneaking around, experimenting with substances, and exploring their sexuality. Recently, I listened to a podcast featuring a high-achieving 18-year-old golfer who had never been “caught” doing anything wrong, like drinking or using drugs. He cautioned parents that if you believe your child hasn’t dabbled in risky behavior, you are likely mistaken. According to him, many teens experiment with various vices, each at their own level.
A few years back, my son, Jake, told me he was hanging out with friends after school. However, on my way home from the grocery store, I spotted his friends but not him. I called him immediately, and he acted strangely, arriving home with a hickey on his neck. The truth surfaced the next day when I discovered a pack of condoms in his backpack. I didn’t rummage through his things with the intention of catching him; I simply sensed something was off. His unusual behavior prompted me to investigate.
At that moment, I realized he was only 14, and my instinct was to think he was far too young for such things. I was wrong. By checking his belongings, I uncovered the truth, which allowed us to have a crucial conversation about safety and honesty. I urged him to come to me if he needed protection and emphasized that lying about his whereabouts worried me and led my mind to darker places.
Earlier this year, my daughter, Lily, hosted a sleepover with a few friends. I noticed they were acting oddly throughout the night. After several requests for them to settle down, their giggles continued unabated. When I finally decided to intervene, I found that Lily had locked her door—something she never does. The next day, while she was tidying her room, I stumbled upon a paper towel roll stuffed with dryer sheets hidden among her dirty laundry. My suspicions were confirmed: they had been smoking marijuana in my home. If I had merely trusted my daughter and her friends—who are all good students and athletes—I might have missed this opportunity for intervention. I was responsible for those girls during their stay, and I owed it to their parents to ensure they were not engaging in illegal activities.
I don’t believe my kids are “bad,” and I’m sure yours aren’t either. However, every child tests boundaries, and when something feels off, it usually is. Sometimes we need to dig deeper to discover the truth, as they don’t always admit to using drugs, drinking, or more. I refuse to jeopardize their safety to respect their privacy; they can have all the privacy they desire when they move out.
I don’t make a habit of searching through their belongings, nor do I conduct daily checks or drug tests. But while they are under my roof, it’s my duty to act if I sense something is amiss. Our close bond doesn’t guarantee transparency, and as parents, it’s often our responsibility to uncover the full story. If that means going through their things to ensure their well-being, then I will do it. Their health and safety are my top priorities, not their privacy.
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Summary
Parents have a right to check their teens’ belongings when they sense something is wrong. Open communication is vital, but sometimes you must dig deeper to uncover the truth. Prioritizing your child’s safety over their privacy is essential, especially during the tumultuous teenage years.