Lifestyle Insights
My partner, Alex, spends an extraordinary amount of time at work. I mean a lot. However, I do not consider myself a married single mom.
Yes, there are instances when he’s away for several days. There are weeks when I’m the main, or only, caregiver for our children. But still, I am not a married single mom.
There are moments when it feels like we are merely passing each other in the night — more specifically, at 8 a.m. when he rushes out to catch the train and I scramble to get the kids ready for school.
But I am not a married single mom.
Not for a day, not for a week, and certainly not for a single second.
It’s common to hear expressions like “single parent” used in jest when a spouse travels for work. People often joke about “parenting solo” during short absences or complain about being a “married single parent” when one partner works excessively long hours. This trend needs to stop for several reasons.
First, using such phrases, whether in humor or disguised as complaints, can be belittling to those who truly are single parents, whether due to divorce or loss. It downplays the genuine struggles they face daily. Moreover, it suggests that being a single parent is inherently negative, when in fact, there are many valid reasons why single parenting can be beneficial.
Additionally, I refrain from labeling myself a married single parent because it implies that my responsibilities are more burdensome than my partner’s, which is not the case. When Alex is traveling, he isn’t enjoying a leisurely break or indulging in self-care by a pool. Instead, he is engaged in lengthy, stressful meetings, dining on hotel room service at late hours, and advocating for clients in challenging situations. If anyone is at a disadvantage, it is definitely him.
The core reason I won’t use this term is simply that it isn’t accurate.
Yes, Alex works a great deal. Typically, he leaves around 8 a.m. and returns home around 7 p.m., often spending an additional hour catching up on work after the kids are asleep. On particularly demanding days, he might put in upwards of 16 hours. On average, he works about 60 hours a week, not including travel for conferences or client meetings.
In contrast, I work from home. Over the years, my commitments have evolved from sporadic tasks to a full-time role. For various reasons (which I won’t justify or explain), we’ve decided this arrangement is what works best for us at the moment. Practically speaking, this means I take on a significant portion of responsibilities, such as carpooling, laundry, and household chores.
Despite his hectic schedule, Alex is still very much an involved parent. He makes time for FaceTime calls with the kids before bedtime and is there to say goodbye in the mornings. He even manages to attend baseball games on Wednesdays, only to dive back into work afterward.
While I may handle the majority of day-to-day tasks at home, he contributes significantly on weekends, preparing meals that sustain us throughout the week, even if he sometimes eats late because of work commitments.
Though he might not be physically present as often during the week, he is emotionally invested. He may miss family dinners on weeknights, but he is always available to discuss important matters, like whether our child is ready for braces or how to handle sibling conflicts.
I am a parent, and so is Alex. We both contribute to our family’s well-being in different, yet equally vital, ways.
So, no, I do not consider myself a married single parent. And if you resonate with my experience, then you likely aren’t one either.
For more insights on parenthood and family dynamics, check out this resource. Additionally, if you’re interested in fertility options, you can explore more at TFP Boston Place in London. And if you’re looking into home insemination kits, you may want to visit Make A Mom.
Summary
In this reflection, I share my experience of balancing parenthood with a partner who has a demanding job. While I take on many responsibilities, I refuse to label myself as a married single mom, as this diminishes the role of true single parents and misrepresents the partnership I share with my husband.