For the first time in eight weeks, my partner had a full day off work. We immersed ourselves in game after game of Candy Land with our children, tackled some long-overdue household chores, he grilled up some delicious steaks, and we snuggled between freshly laundered sheets to enjoy a classic movie. It was blissful.
Yet, as the evening wore on, I felt a growing sense of restlessness. The thought of the upcoming day loomed heavily in my mind, bringing with it a wave of anxiety. Lying there, hand in hand with my partner, I couldn’t shake the feeling of isolation. I would be surrounded by our four kids, yet I’d feel alone, overwhelmed, and far from the fun mom I aspire to be. Tomorrow would mirror yesterday, the day before that, and the one before that.
Even though my partner was right there with me, I found myself already longing for his return home, even before he had left.
While I spend most of my days as the primary caregiver, I am not a single parent. I appreciate my partner’s role as the main financial provider for our family, but being a stay-at-home mom with a partner working every single day can be more challenging than it seems. I contribute a small income from home, but unlike him, I often work late into the night, drained from balancing motherhood and a job along with countless other unrecognized responsibilities. The stress of dirty dishes, laundry, homeschooling, and an endless cycle of sickness in our household weighs heavily on me, not to mention all the other “mom tasks” that have become an invisible part of my routine.
I cherish the many roles I play, especially considering that I’m fortunate enough to do them all while being at home with my children. However, since my partner is the main breadwinner, sometimes it feels like my contributions are overlooked, and this is partly our fault.
It’s easy for outsiders to speculate about where our relationship might falter, but when your partner is working seven days a week, it becomes hard not to feel guilty about voicing your concerns. For the first time in our lives, we are achieving financial stability; we’re not living paycheck-to-paycheck. We even have a comma in our bank account! We’re finally looking ahead, and that’s why we are both making sacrifices in our lives.
Given that my partner’s work schedule is helping us reach our financial goals, I often hesitate to ask him to take more time off. I see how hard he works to provide for us. So when he is at home, I don’t always push him to help with chores. I want to cherish our time together without it revolving around tasks, even though I often feel the urge to shake myself for not recognizing my own value.
It’s not a competition over who does more; we both work hard, and finally, we’re reaping the rewards. Unlike him, or most fathers, I manage many things as a mother that usually go unnoticed until they become a problem. I carry the mental load—if I don’t initiate tasks, they often don’t get done. If something miraculously gets accomplished, it’s usually because I had to request it.
This sometimes means tossing laundry in at 11 p.m. for the next day, ensuring all four children have their doctor, dentist, and eye appointments. It’s the little details that often slip through the cracks. While my partner comes home every evening to unwind, my home is my workplace. I can’t escape from it. After I tuck the kids in, his relaxation begins, while my work—across its many facets—has only just begun.
I don’t have set hours. I get to work in yesterday’s sweatpants, with my hair in a messy bun. My co-workers demand snacks on a whim, and my shirt is often stained from wiping messy faces. Still, I work every day, just like my partner, and my needs deserve acknowledgment too.
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In summary, while both partners contribute to the family in different ways, it’s essential to recognize the effort each one puts in, especially in balancing work and home life. Understanding this dynamic can lead to a more harmonious relationship.