Can you do self-insemination at home ?
This past weekend, I settled into my partner’s swivel chair to finish up an article when I spotted a stack of photos next to his monitor. They’d been sitting there since we became a couple a year ago.
Having gone through them a couple of times before, I thought I’d take another look. On top were two recent photos of us—one from our camping trip and another by a lake with friends. Next were a couple of strips featuring him and some male buddies.
Then there were the two photos I dreaded seeing. They reminded me of the times I’d scrolled through his ex’s Instagram, even though I knew it would sting. One picture showed him with his ex-girlfriend and another woman. The other, a small polaroid that felt almost taunting, featured just the two of them—he and his ex, the woman he once lived with—beaming at the camera, her long brown hair cascading down as she wrapped her arms around him.
I turned to him, who was lounging in bed nearby. “Why are these here?” I asked.
“I was thinking about hanging them up,” he replied, yawning.
“Hang up a picture of you and your ex?” I echoed, holding up the polaroid.
“I mean, I hadn’t really thought about it, but maybe,” he said.
I looked from the picture to him, feeling my irritation simmering. He approached me from behind, peering at the photo. We stood in silence, both of us staring at it.
Anticipating him to say something like, “Just kidding! Why would I hang up a picture of my ex?” I felt my frustration grow. But he remained quiet, and I simply said “okay” with a hint of annoyance. It felt like he was testing me.
“I don’t have to if you’re not okay with it,” he said. “I just thought it was a nice memory.”
I stepped away, still unsure. “But you’re not even friends with her anymore. Why does she deserve a spot on your wall?”
“I’m not friends with these guys either,” he replied, grabbing a photo of him with some others wearing silly hats. “But it was a fun moment I want to remember.”
His logic made sense, and I felt the heat rise in my cheeks. It was time to pull out my trump card, something I’d hesitated to say because it felt petty. “How would you feel if I hung up a picture of my ex?”
He was prepared. “I might feel a bit weird about it, especially if that was the only picture you had. But if it was just one of many, I could probably deal with it.”
I sighed, realizing I was cornered. While it’s natural for someone in my position to feel uneasy about their partner displaying an ex’s photo, knowing that others might feel similarly didn’t justify my feelings. I even considered putting up a picture of my most recent ex but decided against it since that breakup still stung.
However, I pondered over older relationships. Maybe it wouldn’t be so outrageous to display photos of more distant exes. I often enjoyed rediscovering those moments on social media. Just because I wasn’t romantically involved with them anymore didn’t mean I didn’t value the experiences we shared.
In a parallel sense, my partner’s affection for his ex didn’t mean he loved me any less. Perhaps I needed to reconsider my perspective and acknowledge my insecurities.
“Like I said,” he said gently, “if it bothers you, I won’t put it up.” He brushed his hand through my curly hair, looking into my eyes.
“I’m not entirely comfortable with it, but I think I understand,” I replied, my tension easing. “How about we revisit this conversation in a year when you finally get around to hanging those photos?”
For more thoughts on navigating relationships and personal histories, check out this post on home insemination and explore insights on recurrent implantation failure as well as this excellent resource on IVF.