I went to bed last Friday night with a lot of positive intentions. I felt good, planned to rise early to tackle some chores around the house, prepare the cookies I promised my daughter, and enjoy a hike with my boyfriend and our dog, followed by couples’ massages.
However, I settled into bed and soon woke up in a pool of sweat. After trying to fall back asleep for an hour, I finally got up to open the window and turn on the fan. Despite it being in the 40s outside and me wearing nothing, I was overheated.
My boyfriend woke up, grabbed an extra blanket, and questioned whether it was necessary to have the window open and the fan blasting. I replied that I was drenched in sweat and yes, it was essential. He bundled up and quickly fell back asleep, snoring loudly. Frustrated, I decided to go to the sofa after attempting to wake him again. I think I managed about three hours of sleep that night.
So, when he woke up in a cheerful mood, claiming he didn’t sleep well, I responded with, “I guess you snore when you’re awake,” leaving him puzzled about my mood. I could feel my hormones plummeting as I fretted about life’s challenges.
Why am I so hot? Why is my heart racing? Why do I feel like crying? What will I do when all my kids leave home? I need to get my hormone levels checked, but I can’t find the time with everything I have to manage for the kids and work. And oh no, I’m out of lube again. Great. Then I thought, OMFG, I think I’m bleeding. Again.
Indeed, I was bleeding for the second time that month. After trying to relax in the shower, my clothes felt too tight, and I had a headache that felt like it could explode. I wanted to cry, but then I tried to keep it together, staring at myself in the mirror while covering my frustration with the best foundation money can buy. Ultimately, I ended up crying anyway.
My daughter asked when we would make the cookies, and I snapped at her, which only added to my guilt. While my boyfriend tried to comfort me, he has a tendency to respond with toxic positivity regarding my very real mood swings and perimenopausal symptoms.
“It could be worse!” “Nothing’s wrong.” “You just need more rest.” “Keep moving, and you’ll feel better.” “Did you remember to get more lube? You look great!” (Insert stabbing emoji here.)
I know I’m not alone in this. Recently, while enjoying sushi with a friend my age, she shared her struggles with her teens, saying, “My perimenopausal hormones clash with my teenagers’ hormones, and my husband thinks he just needs to stay out of the way.”
What we go through with menstruation and perimenopause is tough, yet we have no choice but to face it. The bleeding, night sweats, fatigue, and mood swings can’t be ignored. I believe men struggle to grasp this because it’s not visually apparent. They don’t understand how we can be fine one minute and then feel like an internal furnace ignites, ruining the entire vibe.
They complain about not getting intimacy for weeks and use that as an excuse for irritability, yet they can’t seem to comprehend the hormonal changes women have dealt with since the dawn of time. I know I’m not always easy to be around, and this is new territory for me—I’ve never experienced perimenopause before, so I’m still figuring it out.
I just want to shed light on this issue many couples face. If you’re grappling with the same struggles, know that you’re not alone. And if you have any solutions, please share them with me. My doctor suggested Vitamin D, adequate sleep, and valerian root to ease the symptoms, but she doesn’t have a magic solution for this widespread issue.
This situation is affecting our relationship, and I certainly don’t want that. I’ve decided to try to accept that he doesn’t understand since he’s not experiencing it himself. Maybe if I let go of that expectation (and convert the spare bedroom into his space), things might improve a little.
For more insights, you can check out this post about related challenges. Also, if you’re interested in understanding the medical side better, this resource on pregnancy and home insemination is excellent. If you’re looking for information on intimacy issues, this site is an authoritative source.
Summary
Navigating perimenopause can be overwhelming and affects relationships, especially when partners struggle to understand the hormonal changes involved. This article shares a personal experience of dealing with night sweats, mood swings, and the challenges of communication between partners during this transitional phase. It emphasizes the need for awareness and support in couples experiencing these changes.