After the arrival of our third child, Sarah began to notice dark spots on her face, prompting her to start using makeup. To my surprise, I found myself arguing against it.
“You don’t need makeup; you’ve never needed it. You are beautiful,” I insisted as Sarah stood in the bathroom, applying foundation with precision. I was in our bedroom, reflecting on our nine years of marriage, which had brought us three children and moves across multiple states.
The first time I remember Sarah wearing makeup was on our wedding day. She wore a touch of blush and some eyeliner, but it was minimal—just enough for the photos. I thought she looked breathtaking, but I truly believed it was her smile that made the difference. Her sly grin, the way her cheeks lifted at the corners, and her simple braid all added to her allure. More than her appearance, it was her demeanor—her laughter and warmth—that captured my heart. I loved her confidence and the way she supported my dreams, even when I was a late bloomer. My love for her had nothing to do with makeup.
When Sarah emerged from the bathroom, she wore a wry smile, hands on her hips, and a small mirror in her left hand. “It’s not just about how you see me,” she replied. “I know you think I’m beautiful.” Her expression suggested she felt I didn’t understand her struggle.
After a pause, she explained, “But people don’t see me the way you do. I don’t feel beautiful anymore, and these blemishes make me feel awful. I just don’t want others to notice them.” We went back and forth—me affirming her beauty and her expressing her insecurities. She used words like “old” and “ugly,” while I tried to remind her of her captivating smile and spirit. “If others can’t see that, it’s their issue,” I argued.
“No,” she countered, “it’s my issue.” I couldn’t tell if she was frustrated or simply resolute. Then she said something that hit home: “Your opinion on my looks isn’t the only one that matters.” She spoke calmly, with an understanding of the complexities of being a woman.
After that, she returned to the bathroom, and our conversation ended. That was two years ago. Since then, Sarah has worn makeup daily. Interestingly, my perception of her hasn’t changed—her smile still lights up the room, and her charming personality remains intact. The only shift has been in how she views herself.
As I pondered her words about my opinion not being the only one that counts, I realized she was right. Despite our 11 years together and the life we’ve built—a home, children, and shared experiences—my view of her beauty isn’t the sole narrative.
I’ve come to acknowledge that beauty standards are often shaped by societal influences, from marketing to media. I once believed that my unconditional love would be enough for her to feel beautiful, but I can’t deny that she carries herself with more confidence when she wears makeup. And that’s not a negative development. Ultimately, it’s Sarah’s choice whether to wear makeup or not, and I wholeheartedly support her.
Nearly two years after our initial discussion, I revisited the topic one morning. As she leaned closer to the bathroom mirror, I reassured her that I would always see her as beautiful. My deepest wish is for her to feel that way, too. “I must admit, the concept of feeling beautiful is elusive to me, but I recognize its importance to you. If makeup helps, then I’m all for it.” Sarah smiled, leaning in for a kiss, and simply said, “Thank you.”
If you’re on a journey similar to ours, you might find valuable insights in our other blog posts, like this one about navigating the couples’ fertility journey for intracervical insemination. Additionally, if you’re considering IVF, you’re not alone in this process; check out this informative article for support. For further information on pregnancy and home insemination, this resource offers excellent guidance.
In summary, our perspectives on beauty can differ significantly, and it’s essential to recognize that self-image is ultimately a personal journey. Supporting loved ones in their choices, whether regarding makeup or other aspects of their appearance, is a crucial part of fostering their confidence and well-being.