My partner engages with adult content and frequently masturbates—almost daily. And I’m perfectly okay with that.
Of course, we have established some ground rules: no direct interaction with individuals online or offline, no engagement with violent content, and if it begins to impact our intimate life, we need to reassess immediately.
I consider my own sex drive to be quite typical. I have always been comfortable with my sexuality, having explored self-pleasure from a young age. I’m quite adept at satisfying myself and do so whenever the mood strikes.
My partner, however, approaches masturbation as more of a ritual. He enjoys it, but it’s also a way for him to unwind, manage stress, and help him fall asleep. His sexual thoughts and desires occupy a significant space in his mind, indicating a high sex drive.
Initially, I was unaware of his interest in adult content. We met in our youth, and while I knew he masturbated, our mutual exploration of self-pleasure was exciting. I stumbled upon his fascination with adult material by chance.
At first, I was quite upset.
This was years ago, before the ease of access to online content we experience today. Back then, it involved AOL chat rooms and instant messaging. My partner (then boyfriend) would chat and flirt in these rooms.
One day, he inadvertently left a chat window open, and I saw the exchanges that facilitated the sharing of images. My reaction was one of distress.
That incident prompted us to establish and refine our ground rules over time. We had a candid conversation, which was initially difficult because it felt secretive. Once we removed the secrecy, we could discuss how this aspect fit into our relationship.
Ultimately, I was comfortable with him viewing adult content, but I wasn’t okay with him interacting sexually with anyone online, even if it was merely for image exchanges.
I understood his appreciation for visual stimuli and the novelty it provided for his pleasure. While my own preferences leaned towards mental fantasies or romantic novels, I recognized that others might find enjoyment in adult content.
I took him at his word when he insisted he wasn’t seeking any relationships with individuals online, merely using it for visual stimulation and fantasy. Still, it made me uneasy, so he agreed to stop.
It took him some time—years, in fact—to fully discontinue that behavior. We were in college during this phase, and there were occasional relapses, but he matured, married me, and we now have a family. We’ve been married for 15 years.
He is a wonderful partner, and trust is key here. My husband openly shares the types of adult content he enjoys. It’s not extreme—he simply likes watching people engage in sex. This doesn’t make him deviant; enjoying adult content doesn’t define one’s character.
We communicate openly about our feelings regarding this issue. If something feels off to me, I let him know. Occasionally, we incorporate elements of his external interests into our intimate life, which I find quite stimulating.
Did I mention our sex life is thriving? Even after 15 years, it remains exciting. If he catches a glimpse of me changing clothes, it definitely ignites his interest. We make time for intimacy, navigating the complexities of parenting and work. We enjoy each other’s company, explore new things, and have fun together.
We respect each other’s sexual needs and recognize that private moments and self-pleasure are natural. It’s normal for partners to have different interests. We honor and appreciate each other and maintain a healthy, trusting relationship.
The established ground rules are crucial. Without them, and without the trust built over our years together, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with my partner watching adult content. But I trust him. I love him. He’s an incredible husband, and I find him irresistibly attractive, adult content and all.
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Summary
The author discusses their comfort with their partner’s consumption of adult content, outlining established ground rules to maintain trust and open communication. By emphasizing mutual respect for each other’s sexual needs and experiences, they highlight the positive impact on their relationship.