Father’s Day is no longer a celebration I share with my parent. My biological parent is still alive, but the person who once identified as my father now identifies as a woman. Yes, the individual who contributed the sperm that brought me into this world has transitioned. They’ve undergone gender confirmation surgery, altered their appearance, and now embrace a feminine identity.
Was that revelation surprising? I wish it wasn’t. I long for a world that wholeheartedly accepts everyone, regardless of personal experiences or norms. A world where transformation and self-expression are met with understanding and no judgment.
Yet, I understand how overwhelming this can be for those who haven’t encountered a similar situation. Just as my parent took years to discover her true self, I needed time to fully accept her transition.
Discovering the Truth
I first learned about my parent’s gender identity in my mid-20s. My new husband and I visited my parents for the holidays, and early that day, my parent asked to speak with us privately. Instantly, my heart sank. Was it a health issue? Were we facing another round of cancer treatment? “Of course,” I responded gently, though anxiety bubbled beneath the surface.
Later that day, my husband and I joined my parent in a quiet room. “There’s a woman inside of me,” she said directly. “I cross-dress sometimes to express her.” My mind raced. I had expected news about health struggles, not this monumental revelation. Stunned into silence, I was left speechless.
In that moment, my husband stepped in, offering support. “Richard, we love you no matter who you are.” My thoughts echoed his sentiment, but all I managed to say was, “Do you have any pictures?” My parent chuckled, recognizing my awkward attempt to communicate acceptance.
Embracing Change
Now, my parent’s name is Julia, and overall, we’re managing well. However, this journey hasn’t been without its emotional complexities. While I embraced Julia’s new identity, I also grappled with feelings of loss. I sought therapy to navigate these emotions, learning that grief and acceptance can coexist. While I mourned the father figure I once knew and the future I envisioned for my children, I also learned to celebrate her transition and welcome new beginnings.
Julia likened her transition to upgrading a computer system: the hardware (her outward appearance) was changing, but the software (her inner self) remained consistent. This analogy resonates with many and could foster greater understanding and acceptance for those navigating similar experiences.
Acceptance and Understanding
People should be appreciated for who they are on the inside. Julia is a warm, generous, and loving individual, a testament to her character. It disheartens me to see the struggle some adults have in accepting her transition. I often refrain from discussing it with friends, unsure if they will respond with empathy.
Fortunately, children tend to be more open-minded and can process complex emotions better than we often assume. For instance, when my daughter was a preschooler, she once asked, “Mom, who is your dad?” I explained, “My father was a man named Richard. He felt like a woman inside, so she changed her outside to match. That’s who Grandma Julia is now.”
After a moment of contemplation, my daughter placed her hand on my shoulder and said, “How sad. You don’t have a dad. But I love Grandma Julia, and I’m happy to have her.” Her words captured the blend of sadness and joy inherent in this transformation, emphasizing that love transcends labels.
Julia has become the person she was meant to be, and I couldn’t be happier for her. Just because I no longer have a father figure doesn’t mean I lack parental support; rather, I have a transgender parent.
Navigating Traditional Holidays
However, acknowledging my transgender parent during traditional holidays can be challenging. Father’s Day seems inappropriate as she no longer identifies with that title, while Mother’s Day doesn’t fit either, as she doesn’t want to be called “mother.”
In my search for a solution, I discovered Trans Parent Day, a small yet meaningful movement celebrated on the first Sunday of November to honor transgender parents. It’s a lovely initiative, though not widely recognized yet. Perhaps I should start a petition for more awareness!
On November 2nd and throughout the year, I’ll celebrate Julia and the unique role she plays in my life. Regardless of her physical transformation, she will always be my parent, and that’s something truly worth celebrating.
Further Resources
For those interested in exploring further, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination. If you’re curious about artificial insemination at home, consider exploring the at-home insemination kit available online. For LGBTQ+ fertility care, UCSF provides invaluable support.
Summary
This article explores the personal journey of accepting a parent’s transition from father to mother. The author shares their initial shock, subsequent acceptance, and the complexities of navigating relationships and societal perceptions following the change. The piece highlights the importance of love and understanding, regardless of gender identity, while advocating for recognition of transgender parents through initiatives like Trans Parent Day.