Updated: Aug. 18, 2023
Originally Published: Aug. 18, 2023
Motherhood has completely taken over my life, reshaping it in ways I never anticipated. While this might not paint the most appealing picture, it’s my reality. My love for my son and daughter fills every corner of my heart, yet I find that the things that once sparked my joy have dimmed. This year of staying at home has been a true challenge—almost overwhelming. The days blend together, and I await my partner’s return from work with an intensity that’s hard to acknowledge. Watching other mothers navigate this journey with apparent ease only deepens my feelings of inadequacy.
During the spring, when the winds sweep across the High Plains of Colorado, stepping outside became a monumental task. With unfavorable weather making outdoor activities impossible and no indoor alternatives for the kids, I often felt trapped. One afternoon, after nap time, I realized I needed to make a trip to the store. As I dressed my son, he asked, “Why are we putting on clothes? Where are we going?” It was clear he had grown accustomed to our lazy days in pajamas, and mom guilt washed over me like a tidal wave.
I attempted to explain that clothing is essential, even when there’s no destination. He wasn’t convinced, however. “But where are we goooing?” he insisted. “To the store,” I finally confessed. His face lit up as if I had just revealed a grand adventure.
“Can I get a sucker?” he eagerly inquired.
“Of course,” I smiled.
His excitement for running errands astounds me—he finds joy in sharing every item we pick with the cashier. He shakes my sparkling water and announces, “When this opens, it’s like a volcano, but there’s no smoke,” much to the amusement of the clerk. His curiosity is endless, and he even loves visiting the post office to explore the mailboxes, always bursting with questions.
I often feel the pressure to nurture his inquisitiveness. The educator in me believes I should be challenging his intellect and exposing him to new experiences. The issue is that my own creativity feels depleted. I’ve always prided myself on being imaginative, thinking that leading adventures would come naturally in motherhood, yet I often find myself far from that ideal.
After discussing my feelings with my partner, I realized the best way to support my children’s creativity is to first reignite my own. Just like flight attendants advise parents to put on their oxygen masks before assisting their children, I must prioritize my spark for life to be the best mom I can be. Even if it doesn’t lead to an immediate improvement in my parenting, isn’t my own happiness worth pursuing?
Thus, I have crafted a new motherhood mission statement: I will dedicate time each week to create and explore, whether through writing, art, or even interpretive dance. My aspiration is to embrace life with the same enthusiasm as a toddler witnessing a volcanic eruption.
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Summary:
Motherhood has transformed my life in unexpected ways, leaving me feeling overwhelmed yet deeply committed to my children. While I struggle with the monotony of daily routines, I recognize the importance of nurturing my own creativity to foster their growth. My new mission is to carve out weekly time for self-expression, whether through writing, art, or dance, aiming to experience life with the exuberance of my kids.