Updated: July 25, 2021
Originally Published: July 23, 2021
As a Boston native, I recently relocated to a suburb of Tampa in search of more sunshine, both literally and metaphorically. The combination of a pandemic, a divorce, and a health scare initiated a mid-life crisis that I could no longer ignore.
Now, I find myself living in a town I had never even heard of just a few months ago. I initially made an offer on a different house, sight unseen, before I ever set foot in Tampa. Thankfully, I didn’t get that one, which pushed me to book a flight and explore my options.
During that visit, one home welcomed me with an abundance of butterflies. It was a moment unlike anything I had experienced in my 48 years, making me feel like I had finally found my place. I felt inspired to express how those four walls helped me in my grief journey through a letter.
To the family of the woman who owned my new home,
The moment I stepped into your beloved mother’s stunning home, I knew it was meant for me. The soaring ceilings, unique layout, architectural charm, and peaceful pool left a lasting impression, but it was the small butterfly decal on the sliding glass door that truly captivated me. As I approached the door, I was in awe as brilliant butterflies danced in the backyard, making their presence known.
This moment gave me chills. Here’s why.
Before my mom passed away from ovarian cancer in 2013, I asked her how she would send me signs after she was gone, knowing how much I would miss her. “I’ll send butterflies,” she replied, tears in her eyes.
Unfortunately, I didn’t see a single butterfly for over a year after she died. One day, overwhelmed with grief, I drove to a butterfly sanctuary just to be near them, hoping for a sign. That sign eluded me until I walked into your mother’s home, nearly eight years after my mom’s untimely passing.
My mom adored butterflies; she read countless books about them, traveled to Costa Rica and the Galapagos Islands to find them, and talked about them incessantly—there’s even a butterfly etched on her grave. I know she is with me here, cheering on my brave decision to move to Florida with my children, to emerge from my cocoon and start anew.
My kids have also endured unimaginable grief. They lost their dad to kidney cancer in 2018, and my bonus daughter lost her mother to breast cancer when she was just four years old. Together, we have been deeply affected by loss, yet we choose to live with hope in honor of my mom. She was incredibly resilient, and so are they.
When I read your heartfelt note after closing, I connected with the fresh sorrow you are experiencing. My mom’s death shattered me; I have never been the same since. She was my unwavering light in a sometimes dark world, my biggest supporter as I chased and achieved my wildest dreams, and the most loving grandmother to my children. The adjectives you used to describe your mom resonate with me, as I often use the same words to describe mine.
I can only imagine how difficult it was to pack up your mother’s belongings and trust that her home would be cared for. I want you to know that I aim to fill it with love, laughter, children, and hopefully grandchildren in the future—just like she did—continuing to build on the foundation she laid. You are more than welcome to visit us anytime.
I’ll leave you with my mom’s favorite quote, which rings especially true during times of grief: “Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.”
Rest assured, I will never remove your mother’s butterfly decal; it will remain in my home as a tribute to her and my own mom.
My forthcoming children’s book, Goodnight Star, Whoever You Are, is set to release on October 26th, in anticipation of Children’s Grief Awareness Day.
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In summary, my new home has brought me a powerful sign from my late mother, reminding me of her love and resilience. As I navigate my fresh start in Florida, I carry her spirit with me, surrounded by the butterflies she promised to send.