I’ll be honest—my life is currently more demanding than my partner’s. Yes, he has a job that involves navigating complex hierarchies and managing various responsibilities. Occasionally, he finds himself in the middle of an intricate dental procedure that stretches far longer than expected. The amount of paperwork he handles is more than I’d ever want to confront. But right now, my life takes the prize for difficulty.
At this moment, I am the primary caregiver for our three children, all under the age of five. I manage their schooling, therapy sessions, and medical appointments. My daily duties range from diaper changes to chasing a rambunctious toddler while cradling a fussy baby, all while trying to engage our five-year-old in a productive activity. I am the mastermind behind grocery lists, diaper bag packing, and organizing backpacks. I delve into research on topics like introducing solid foods, addressing speech delays, and initiating reading skills. Additionally, I juggle part-time work responsibilities outside of parenting.
It’s undeniably more challenging than drilling teeth.
My partner understands this reality, and I recognize that our roles will shift over time. Life is dynamic, and there have been moments when his responsibilities have felt more burdensome, and there will be times when mine are again. The key difference between now and nearly a decade ago when we first tied the knot is our understanding that fairness in marriage isn’t about a strict 50/50 split.
In our early days, we naively believed that marriage operated on a straightforward 50/50 basis. When one of us faced challenges, we often failed to increase our own contributions. We remained in our separate lanes, silently resenting one another when the other seemed to lag behind.
Our perspective shifted significantly after experiencing our first major challenge, and the birth of our first child reshaped our understanding even further. We’ve come to realize that marriage cannot be quantified in equal parts.
Instead, we now support one another when the other is overwhelmed. My partner recognizes the weight of my current responsibilities and actively seeks to alleviate my burdens. He takes care of the dishes so I can start my day without an added chore. He makes grocery runs after work to spare me the hassle of taking three kids to the store. He has stepped into the role of our family’s social planner, ensuring we have time for date nights and outings with friends.
There’s so much he does that I couldn’t possibly list it all. I know my time to step up will come, especially as he embarks on another residency program, which will require me to navigate the challenges that arise. It feels daunting, but love propels me forward.
I cherish our life together; our marriage forms the core of our family, shaping the flow of our lives. We’ve moved past the incessant comparisons and instead embraced grace. When life feels out of balance, we choose to fight for each other rather than against one another.
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In summary, recognizing that life’s challenges ebb and flow is crucial for a healthy partnership. By extending grace and support to one another, we cultivate a nurturing environment for our family.