It was shortly after 10 p.m., and I found myself lying next to my 9-year-old daughter, Mia. I had just returned from work about half an hour earlier when I noticed she was still awake. Entering her room to say goodnight, I found her sitting cross-legged on her bed, clutching a flashlight, dressed in her favorite pink pajamas adorned with unicorns. She looked up at me with wide, frightened eyes and whispered, “I’m scared.”
Naturally, we chatted for a bit. I asked her what was troubling her, and she simply replied that she didn’t know. Then, she requested that I lie down beside her.
I had options. I could have told her to be brave or insisted there was nothing to fear. I could have mentioned that I hadn’t eaten yet, still needed to shower, and should be heading to bed to prepare for another day. I could have reminded her that she was too old to be scared at night and that it was time to move past those fears.
These were the kinds of things my parents often said when I sought comfort at night. Instead, I took a deep breath and climbed into bed beside Mia. Just a few weeks prior, when I returned home late to find my 11-year-old son, Ethan, feeling frightened, I did the same. And when my youngest, Lily, wanders into my room in the middle of the night, fearful for reasons only she knows, I lie down with her too.
I don’t resist it. I simply snuggle up next to them and offer some comfort.
I realize some may think that nurturing older kids is part of what’s wrong with today’s youth. They may predict that my children will struggle with independence and end up on a talk show lamenting their inability to move out of my basement if I hadn’t been there at night. But honestly, I doubt that will happen. At least, it’s not something that keeps me awake at night.
Here’s what I can say with complete certainty: I don’t lie down next to my kids when they’re scared solely for their sake. I have my own reasons too. Juggling two jobs means I often leave before they’re awake and return long after they’ve gone to bed. Some days, the only moments I have to connect with them are at night. Those moments of comfort are often the only times I get to share with my kids as a father.
When they’re frightened, I get to enjoy that special one-on-one time with them. The instant I settle in next to Ethan, he starts to share about his day, revealing details about a classmate he doesn’t get along with, or telling me a funny story. He rarely opens up when I ask, but when he needs me at night, he tends to talk until he drifts off to sleep. That bond is precious, and I plan to treasure it for as long as he lets me.
Mia is no different. When she seeks me out at bedtime, she’s far more inclined to share her feelings in a way she typically wouldn’t during dinner or while driving. The lost sleep and occasional hunger pangs are well worth it.
As for Lily, I’m not entirely sure what she talks about when I’m next to her, but I can say it’s adorable. Watching her grow, being our youngest, makes me cherish every moment I have with her.
As a busy dad, I wouldn’t trade those moments for anything. Many busy moms would likely agree. Sure, stay-at-home parents spend all day with their children, but there’s something uniquely sweet about comforting a scared child and having that focused time to listen to them.
That night, as I lay next to Mia, I found myself on my back while she nestled against me. She breathed softly against my ribs, initially clinging to me out of fear, but gradually relaxing in my presence. Moments later, she began sharing stories about her teacher’s funny antics in class and a game she and her friends invented during recess. Then, just as quickly as she started, she grew quiet. I glanced down to find her fast asleep, and as I slipped out from under her arm and headed downstairs for something to eat, I felt that it was the perfect conclusion to a long day.
I need this connection as much, if not more, than my kids do.
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In summary, despite my children getting older, I cherish the quiet moments at bedtime when they seek my comfort. These connections are invaluable, offering us time to bond, share, and simply be together, even in the midst of our busy lives.