When my children were little, spending all day with them was both the most challenging and rewarding aspect of my life. It was mentally exhausting. Each of them needed my attention simultaneously. The thought of waking up every morning to change three diapers, dress them, and keep them safe and cheerful was a monumental task.
Choosing to stay home with them was a decision I made wholeheartedly. My partner, Alex, would have supported any career path I chose, but I was passionate about being present for my kids — a feeling that persisted through countless tears, moments of burnout, and the occasional desire to escape.
Of course, I needed breaks from time to time. After all, mothers are not designed to be with their children every single moment, despite what some might believe. We are individuals with our own interests, relationships, and passions. Engaging in these pursuits is what helps us grow as mothers.
We all require time away, whether it’s heading to work, enjoying a weekend getaway with friends, or simply spending an afternoon reading alone without interruptions.
However, this past year has brought a noticeable change in my perspective. My kids are now 17, 16, and 14, and all I want to do is be with them. When friends invite me for lunch, shopping trips, or weekend outings, I feel little enthusiasm unless it’s during their time with their dad, when they won’t be home anyway. I find myself scheduling appointments around their activities, prioritizing moments with them over everything else.
The urge to escape has faded, and soaking up every moment with them has become my priority. I realize that this phase of life won’t last forever. While I know I need to maintain a life outside of them — and I do have one — my current focus is on aligning my hobbies and social life around my kids. Time with them is precious, and it feels more important than anything else.
As they grow more independent, spending time at home together becomes rare. I’d rather be present with them than rush off to lunch or classes. These were once the activities that helped me through the long days of motherhood, but now I find no need for them.
My children have their own lives, filled with work, school, and friends. It doesn’t feel like a sacrifice to give them my time; it feels intentional. I cherish every second, and it’s what brings me joy right now, much like those solitary trips to Target used to.
I find myself questioning if this shift in my mood is due to the pandemic, the realization that they will soon be moving out, or perhaps something deeper. I’ve wondered if I am experiencing depression or pulling away from life too much. I used to crave time with friends and made an effort to stay connected. Now, my focus is solely on my kids, and I feel complete and calm in their presence.
I enjoy getting up early to work out or attend spin class before they wake up, knowing it means I’ll have more time to share with them. I understand that this might be a temporary phase, as they continue to grow busier with their own lives. So, I’m choosing to make the most of every moment we have together.
After all, good friends understand that relationships evolve over time, and my interests, like browsing Target alone, will always be there. For now, I want to embrace every second with my kids, and that’s more than enough reason for me to do so.
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In summary, as my children navigate their teenage years and approach independence, I find myself yearning to cherish every moment with them. This shift in priorities reflects the preciousness of our time together, while still recognizing the necessity of maintaining my own interests and friendships.