By: Lila Thompson
Date: May 27, 2018
Image Source: Getty Images
As I embarked on motherhood, I envisioned a clear path. I believed I would guide my children with absolute authority, expecting them to adhere to my directives without question. My role would be strictly that of a parent, not a friend, as many say is the hallmark of good parenting. However, the reality of parenting led me to adopt a different approach: allowing my children to take the lead.
Before you jump to conclusions, let me clarify that I’m not advocating for a lack of boundaries. It’s not as if I allowed my children to run amok or disrespect others. Instead, I discovered the power of choice in parenting.
The turning point came when I recognized that my children were reflections of my own strong-willed nature. They possess a fierce independence that made it increasingly difficult to enforce my will. Each attempt to control them often resulted in resistance, pushing them to test their limits even further. I began to ponder how I would react in their position and decided to apply that understanding to our interactions.
Children inherently seek to know the rationale behind rules. They often ask “why” when faced with restrictions. While some parents may impose rules without explanation, my children thrive on understanding the reasoning. They want to know the consequences of their choices, who established the boundaries, and whether exceptions exist. This desire for autonomy led to some challenging behaviors, and I realized I had little to lose by experimenting with a more choice-oriented approach.
Instead of simply saying “no,” I began offering them options, clearly outlining the potential outcomes of each. To my surprise, they often made sound decisions. This shift not only enhanced their behavior but also reinforced their sense of agency. The psychology behind this is interesting; after all, individuals generally dislike being told what to do. We feel validated when our perspectives are acknowledged, and children are no different—albeit with less impulse control. As long as their choices don’t jeopardize safety, I embrace their autonomy.
I no longer fret over their outfit choices, whether their socks match, or how they wish to express themselves during playtime. I allow them to explore, even if it means getting muddy or dancing in a downpour of glitter. While I personally dislike glitter and Play-Doh, my aim is not to mold them into mini versions of myself; I want them to embrace their identities.
My role is not to dictate their actions but to support their growth into compassionate individuals. Leading by example is crucial in this process. Admittedly, this parenting style can be challenging. I still experience moments of disbelief when they choose to bring all their toys on car trips or wear swim goggles to the grocery store. However, I recognize these choices don’t harm anyone and are inconsequential in the grand scheme of parenting. I reserve my firm stance for situations that truly matter, such as keeping them safe in crowded areas or away from dangerous animals.
Interestingly, when I do need to impose limits, my children are less likely to resist. They understand that when I say “no,” it’s grounded in genuine concern. Disagreements do arise, but I don’t claim to have all the answers. This approach suits my family dynamic, fostering an environment where my children feel loved and respected, free to express their true selves. They may still see me as the “bad guy” at times, but I hope they will one day appreciate the reasoning behind my decisions—or at least have something to discuss with their future therapists.
For those considering the journey into parenthood, you might find valuable insights in our related article on home insemination techniques. If you’re interested in understanding more about pregnancy, check out this excellent resource that can provide further guidance.
In summary, my parenting philosophy has shifted from authoritative to one that prioritizes my children’s autonomy. By allowing them to make choices, I’ve witnessed their growth into respectful, independent individuals. While I still enforce rules when necessary, I strive to create an atmosphere of understanding and love, helping them develop their identities.