In many households, you’ll find framed photos adorning the walls, each capturing a unique moment in time. Most of these images are referred to casually—like, “the kids at the beach,”—but one picture stands out with its own peculiar title. Our eldest child, Oliver, named it “Those Boys, They Don’t Have a Mom!” This title feels especially poignant since he’s one of the boys in the photo.
Back when we lived in sunny Phoenix, I took Oliver and his younger brother, Leo, who was just 18 months old, to a well-known photography studio at Scottsdale’s upscale Fashion Square Mall. I dressed them in their best clothes, but what followed was nothing short of chaotic. The day became a whirlwind of mishaps that tested my patience and strength. Despite the challenges, we managed to get that photo.
Later that evening, while you were still at work, I found Oliver holding the framed picture. He pointed to his brother and himself, saying, “Do you see those boys?” As he jabbed his tiny finger at the image, he repeated, “They don’t have a mom!” My heart sank. How could he think that? I had been there every step of the way, even assisting the photographer just moments before the shutter clicked.
As the hours passed, we laughed about it when you finally got home. We realized he was grappling with the idea that just because I was not visible in the photo, it didn’t mean I wasn’t an integral part of their lives. Our 4-year-old was navigating the complex concepts of presence and absence.
Now, since your passing, it feels as if you got us all set up and then suddenly vanished. We find ourselves asking questions, much like Oliver did that day—jab, jab, jab.
Last night was a significant event: our youngest son’s prom. We had his suit, a new tie, a beautiful corsage, and even lucked out with shoes that still fit. However, we faced a problem that none of us anticipated—we didn’t know how to tie a tie. You took that skill with you, my love.
I thought we could rely on other parents for help, but Oliver was reluctant. So, his sister decided to FaceTime her boyfriend, and they attempted to tie it over the phone. In the end, we managed to get it done, but it wasn’t the same without you. I still remember how you would effortlessly tie the boys’ ties, often jokingly demonstrating a “choke-hold” to emphasize the importance of behaving at events like prom.
This morning, when I woke up and glanced at the empty space beside me, the first thing I saw was that same photo of “Those Boys.” It reminded me that I was there, fully engaged, even if I wasn’t visible in the frame. Just as you were always present in our children’s lives, imparting wisdom and love, even now, they carry your teachings deep within them. They can recite your lessons on life, even if you’re no longer physically here.
Though you may be out of sight, your influence remains, guiding them through the challenges they face. They may even turn to YouTube for the practical skills you would have shared, but your essence is irreplaceable.
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In summary, while we navigate life without you, your legacy lives on in our hearts and minds. Your teachings and love continue to guide us, even from afar.