It pains me to share this, but my son self-harms. My precious, kind-hearted 7-year-old boy engages in self-harming behavior, and it truly breaks my heart.
Seeing the phrase “self-harm” linked with “7-year-old son” is unsettling. Typically, such behavior is associated with older teenagers battling severe depression, often hidden from view. However, when my son, Leo, decides to self-harm, it’s nothing short of a loud and clear signal for all around him.
This behavior is part of Leo’s life and how he navigates the overwhelming sensory experiences that come with his autism. Leo was diagnosed with autism at just 18 months old. At that time, my understanding of autism was minimal, primarily shaped by outdated portrayals like those in “Rain Man.” Now, five years later, autism is a constant presence in my thoughts.
Understanding Leo’s Meltdowns
Leo’s patterns of self-harming began around the age of 2. A sudden shift from happiness to intense crying would often mark the onset of his meltdowns: he would drop to his knees, jumping up and down, crying harder and harder. Initially, we were uncertain of what these episodes meant, especially since Leo is nonverbal. He might have just been expressing frustration over not being able to communicate his needs.
As time went on, his behavior escalated. We learned to identify these episodes as “meltdowns,” which differ from tantrums in that they stem from sensory overload, leaving him feeling confused and scared. Unlike tantrums, which often seek attention or a reaction, meltdowns can continue unabated, regardless of outside stimuli.
Leo progressed from knee bouncing to foot stomping and eventually began using his hands to inflict harm. He would slap his arms and legs until they were sore, and then began hitting walls and furniture during his meltdowns. The most alarming phase came when he started to slap his own face, which felt particularly devastating to witness. Observing a child repeatedly strike themselves is incomprehensible and heartbreaking.
Imagine slapping your own face repeatedly—it’s a physical action that most would instinctively stop. Yet, Leo seems unable to apply that same restraint. Despite the tears streaming down his face, he continues, alternating between strikes to his face and head and even punching himself.
The Intensity of His Struggles
Two years ago, the intensity and frequency of his meltdowns surged. For a period of two to three months, he would experience meltdowns lasting up to eight hours a day, sometimes waking in the middle of the night to continue this self-harm.
It feels as if there are two sides to Leo—one is the sweet, joyful boy I know, while the other is consumed by the overwhelming emotions that lead to self-harm. Once the episode passes, he can return to his cheerful self as if nothing had happened.
Seeking Solutions
We’ve tried a multitude of strategies: dietary changes, medical evaluations, and various therapies. We’ve explored distractions through his favorite foods and activities, as well as occupational therapy and supplements. There were days when driving him around while listening to music was the only thing that calmed him down during a meltdown.
I’ve experienced a whirlwind of emotions—anger, helplessness, and despair—wishing for his anger to be directed at me instead. I longed for him to hit me rather than himself.
Over the past year, we’ve seen some improvement. Leo now has meltdowns three to four times a day, and they often last only a few minutes. On tougher days, they can still stretch up to an hour, but I find comfort in knowing they will end and he will be okay.
My love for Leo is boundless, and I embrace his autism as a fundamental part of who he is—a nonverbal, affectionate 7-year-old whose smile brightens my days. I’ve learned to manage his self-harming episodes with more patience, striving to minimize the stressors around him. Even when he experiences a meltdown for an hour, I remind myself that it will pass.
Yet, I cannot deny that every occurrence still chips away at my heart.
Resources for Support
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Conclusion
In summary, my son Leo’s struggle with self-harm is a heartbreaking aspect of our lives, but with love and understanding, we continue to seek paths toward healing and support.