I used to be that parent who couldn’t fathom why others lamented about picky eaters. I believed my kids would eat what I prepared, or they simply wouldn’t eat at all. I wasn’t running a diner; I provided reasonable choices, such as offering two vegetables at every meal. If someone disliked broccoli to the point of gagging, I’d gladly make carrots instead.
That was all well and good—until my fourth child came into the picture. She was a typical infant, thriving on bottles, and tackled baby foods without a hitch. However, when the stubborn toddler phase kicked in, she began to toss food on the floor and sometimes outright refuse it. I thought it was just a phase…until it became clear it was more than that. Now, I owe an apology to the parents I once scoffed at. My previous judgments about their picky eaters were unjust.
As a family of six, we strive to prepare meals that everyone, for the most part, enjoys. We even created a meal and snack schedule based on our kids’ preferences and any food allergies. With so many mouths to feed, we can’t afford to waste time or money on meals that won’t get eaten. Our list of foods has been somewhat helpful—well, for most of us anyway.
My youngest is a classic “baby of the family.” I admit she’s a bit spoiled, being our final child. I find it hard to say “no” to her as firmly as I did with her older siblings. My husband and her three older siblings are equally guilty of indulging her.
As she’s grown, her pickiness has escalated. She now refuses most meats, half of the fruits and veggies we serve, beans, and anything she deems “too spicy.” I’m determined not to serve her the same five favorites on repeat, which would likely mean she’d survive on melon, popcorn, and chocolate desserts. Those aren’t exactly nutritional powerhouses.
With just a year before she starts kindergarten, I know I need to tackle her pickiness head-on. This brings to mind all those questions I often see in parenting forums. Many parents wonder how to encourage their children to eat more than a handful of preferred foods. I’m not discussing kids with sensory issues; I’m referring to typically developing children who are simply stubborn.
Of course, I won’t impose harmful eating standards on my child. We don’t have a “clean your plate” rule, nor do we shame them for wasting food by invoking those starving in other countries. Such tactics have been tried for ages and are largely ineffective. I also refuse to sneak vegetable purees into junk food. I’m just as stubborn as my daughter in that respect.
Not only is my child a picky eater, but she’s also a slow eater. Imagine a great-grandmother savoring her dinner—that’s her. She gets easily distracted by her siblings and their conversations (she has a bad case of FOMO), making eating a low priority. She’s more interested in absorbing all the gossip than in finishing her meal.
At this point, I’m unsure how to handle her eating habits. She’s at a healthy weight and height, and I dislike food battles. I’m not going to stoop to threats, sticker charts, or the old “eat three more bites for dessert” trick.
This resonates deeply with me. Parents should never say never. You may think, “I will never co-sleep with my kids” or “I will never give my baby a pacifier.” But until you encounter the child who tests every limit, you have no idea how you’ll react.
For now, I simply offer her healthy options. If she’s not hungry, that’s perfectly fine. Those healthy choices will still be there at the next meal or snack. I’ve learned to let go of the drama. After all, she’s growing, she’s healthy, and I have better things to do than fret over her plate and plead for a few bites.
Plus, I remember hating certain foods as a child. I had my own sensory issues and gagged at things like pineapple and meat, which left my parents exasperated. This was long before we understood sensory processing disorders and had access to options like feeding therapy. While my parents didn’t enforce a clean plate rule, I still recall feeling self-conscious about certain foods that were hard for me to chew. If this is the case with my daughter too, I won’t add any stress to meal times.
I’m not allowing her to live on crackers and soda, so surely I’m doing alright as a parent, right? If her lunch consists of just an apple one day, then so be it. Does my inner health enthusiast cringe at the lack of protein or healthy fats? Absolutely. However, I refuse to let her pickiness bother me to the point where I impose unhealthy eating habits or body image issues on her. Women already have enough of that to navigate.
Now, if you excuse me, it’s dinner time, and I have a feeling she won’t touch most of what I’ve prepared.
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Summary:
Navigating the challenges of raising a picky eater can be daunting, especially when you previously believed it wouldn’t be a problem. The author shares her journey with her youngest child, who has become increasingly selective in her eating habits. While attempting to provide healthy options, she recognizes the importance of avoiding food battles and stress during meal times. Emphasizing a balanced approach, she reflects on her experiences and the lessons learned about parenting and nutrition.
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