This holiday season presents challenges we’ve never faced before. As COVID-19 cases surge, many are opting to forgo travel and family gatherings. With so many warnings, the decision to stay apart is difficult for many. But for me, the choice is different. My father has Alzheimer’s, and we simply don’t have the luxury of time this holiday season.
My father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease last autumn. Since my parents are divorced, my siblings and I faced the heart-wrenching decision of whether to place him in a long-term care facility. Given that he was still managing many daily activities, we decided against it, and my sister took on the role of his primary caregiver.
She enrolled him in a memory care day program, established routines, and hired help for when she needed to work or travel. However, when the pandemic struck, everything changed. My father’s essential routines were disrupted, and my sister bore the brunt of his care.
For those unfamiliar, Alzheimer’s is a progressive brain disease that ultimately destroys brain cells. It begins with difficulty recalling new information, and as it advances, it severely impacts daily life. The neurological damage eventually leads to a state where the brain struggles to communicate with the body, resulting in the inability to sit up, problems with feeding, and dehydration. It is an incredibly taxing journey for both the person with Alzheimer’s and their caregivers.
As summer ended and COVID-19 cases began to rise again, we made plans for my father to travel to California for the holidays. This would allow my brother and me to spend precious time with him and give my sister a much-needed respite. However, as fall progressed, our concerns about his travel grew.
In the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving, we deliberated extensively. Ultimately, during a phone call, we initially decided it was best for him to stay home. But after hanging up, I found myself in tears. Having witnessed the decline of both my grandfathers due to dementia, I know all too well how rapidly this disease can progress. I feared this could be our last holiday with the father I know. I had previously regretted delaying visits with loved ones and vowed never to repeat that mistake, especially with my dad.
I immediately reached out to my sister, and it was clear she was feeling similarly. She longed for us to be together for the holidays and urgently needed a break. Thankfully, my brother was also supportive of the idea.
To ensure safety, we took careful measures and consulted medical professionals. We changed their flight to the week before Thanksgiving to avoid crowded planes and planned for a return flight in January. My sister purchased KN95 masks and face shields for the journey and meticulously disinfected their area on the plane.
Once they arrived, we all quarantined and waited for negative COVID tests before reuniting, celebrating a much-simplified Thanksgiving with just immediate family. Since then, we have limited outings and kept visitors few.
Taking this risk was daunting for us, but the thought of losing time with our dad was far more frightening. I am aware we are privileged to make these choices, and I cherish the time we had together.
It’s difficult for everyone to witness their parents change with age. For those caring for loved ones with Alzheimer’s, the transformations can be rapid and stark. Some might deem our choice risky and even selfish, and that perspective is valid. Yet, seeing my three-year-old climb onto my dad’s lap and coax him into playing with playdough reaffirmed that we made the right choice for our family.
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Summary:
This holiday season is especially poignant for a family grappling with Alzheimer’s. As COVID-19 complicates travel plans, one daughter reflects on the urgency of spending time with her father, who is battling the disease. Despite the risks, the family decides to gather, cherishing the moments they have left together.
SEO Metadata:
My Father’s Alzheimer’s, Holiday Season, COVID-19, Family Gatherings, Caregiving, Alzheimer’s Disease, Memory Care, Family Time